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Some People Think That Allowing Children To Make Their Own Choices Is Likely To Result In A Society Of Individuals Who Only Think About Their Own Wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some People Think That Allowing Children To Make Their Own Choices Is Likely To Result In A Society Of Individuals Who Only Think About Their Own Wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. v. 1
While many believe that children should be allowed to decide what they should eat, learn, wear or watch can engender children to be a selfish person, some think that such action can facilitate children to become self-reliant. In my opinion, Parents should neither give their offspring absolute immunity or control them in every matter – there must be a balance. To begin with, it is crucial for youngsters to learn how to make their own decisions. In other word, decision making can increase their awareness in reference to taking fully responsibilities of their actions when they are mature. In fact, it is also a skill related directly to success and those children who have already trained such skill can easily bear with difficulties, setbacks and challenges in the future much more efficiently. In contrast, if parents allow youngsters to have their own way all the way that can be detrimental to their personality growth. Once they have the freedom to make their own choice regardless of it is good or bad, it is likely for them to become self-centered and fail to consider other feelings. For example, a child may not consider what other members of his family want to watch TV if he is using it. Therefore, Parents should set a limit of the freedom the children can have. To sum up, although the importance of learning decision making skill is undeniable, parents should also take into account about teaching their offspring respect others’ feeling; otherwise, they may end up being a selfish person.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to decide what they should eat, learn, wear or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
can engender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be a selfish person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that such action can facilitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become self-reliant. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should neither give their offspring absolute immunity or control them in every matter
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a balance.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is crucial for youngsters to learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
word,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
can increase their awareness in reference to taking
fully
responsibilities of their actions when they are mature. In fact, it is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
related
directly
to success and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have already trained such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
can
easily
bear with difficulties, setbacks and challenges in the future much more
efficiently
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
contrast, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
youngsters to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way all the way that can be detrimental to their personality growth. Once they have the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice regardless of it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, it is likely for them to become self-centered and fail to consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
feelings.
For example
, a child may not consider what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of his family want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV if he is using it.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should set a limit of the freedom the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have.

To sum up, although the importance of learning
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is undeniable,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
also
take into account about teaching their offspring respect others’ feeling;
otherwise
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up being a selfish person.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some People Think That Allowing Children To Make Their Own Choices Is Likely To Result In A Society Of Individuals Who Only Think About Their Own Wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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