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Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. v.70

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. v. 70
Nowadays, it is obviously seen that majority of people tend to carry on their higher education in institutions such as a university or a college. While some citizens believe that students should have their freedom to study subjects that they are interested in while others disagree with it and opine that they have to be involved in major that will be very utilitarian in the future. At the beginning, every person in this world is likely to have human rights, which means they are free to follow something that they like, choosing a subject at the university as an example. Generally, students have a tendency to join the major that rely on their passions. To illustrate, my brother, Luce, he has an interest in analysing data and he has decided to go into Statistics and the committee of a university cannot restrict him to study that subject since that action seems restricting someone from his interest. Thus once a student gets admitted to a university or a college, s/he should have the freedom to read the subjects that interest him/ her. Studying from passion is more effective in most of the cases. On the other hand, many people feel that students should join in a major, particularly which is related to technology and science, such as natural science and technology, information technology etc. and they should solely focus on studying these subjects. Based on research carried out by Statistics Center in Semarang, it is predicted that due to globalisation, the world will be focused on technology and science in the future. So, it is certainly believed that college students should be involved in correlating with those subjects so that they can adapt to the future circumstances and develop themselves. After hashing out both points of views, it can be concluded that although people certainly have a freedom to choose their major in university and colleges, it is a wise decision to study subjects that can be utilised in their future.
Nowadays, it is
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to carry on their higher education in institutions such as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or a college. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have their freedom to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they
are interested
in while others disagree with it and opine that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
utilitarian in the future.

At the beginning, every person in this world is likely to have human rights, which means they are free to follow something that they like, choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
as an example.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that rely on their passions. To illustrate, my brother, Luce, he has an interest in
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
data and
he has decided to go into Statistics and the committee of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
cannot restrict him to study that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
since that action seems restricting someone from his interest.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
once a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
admitted to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or a college, s/he should have the freedom to read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that interest him/ her. Studying from passion is more effective in most of the cases.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
,
particularly
which
is related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and science, such as natural science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
etc. and they should
solely
focus on studying these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Based on research carried out by Statistics Center in Semarang, it
is predicted
that due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, the world will
be focused
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and science in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
certainly
believed that college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be involved
in correlating with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can adapt to the future circumstances and develop themselves.

After hashing out both points of views, it can
be concluded
that although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
certainly
have a freedom to choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and colleges, it is a wise decision to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
in their future.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. v. 70

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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