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Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.16

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. v. 16
Since science and technology is a growing industry today, some people believe that it is better for college students to choose only related subjects as their major. However, others think that students are supposed to study according to their preference. Making all the pupils to major in science and technology has some advantages. If most students study in related subjects, the industry will consequently have more abundant employees. The employment rating will rise as a result, because students are trained to fit the position. Besides, the technology is certain to rising more quickly, as more workforces join the discipline. Although there might be a number of advantages, some disadvantages should not be overlooked. First and foremost, the well-being of students may be damaged. It is a well-known fact that all people have different innate abilities. Forcing those who are not good at STEM to study in the very field will make them have no sense of achievement, but only rising pressure. Aside from the negative impact on emotional development, a society can only improve if the community is full of variety. The diversity of an organization has been proven to be beneficial, because more ideas can be exchanged, and therefore a more creative environment will occur. Last but not least, a person can contribute the most only when they be put on the right spot and exploit their potential. In conclusion, the disadvantages of limiting students' profession outweigh the advantages. Therefore, it is better for them to decide their own career. Only by doing so can we have a more diverse and healthy society.
Since science and technology is a growing industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is better for college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
related subjects as their major.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are supposed
to study according to their preference.

Making all the pupils to major in science and technology has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages. If most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
study in related subjects, the industry will
consequently
have more abundant employees. The employment rating will rise
as a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are trained
to fit the position.
Besides
, the technology is certain to rising more
quickly
, as more
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the discipline.

Although there might be a number of advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages should not
be overlooked
.
First
and foremost, the well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may
be damaged
.
It is a well-known fact that
all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
innate abilities. Forcing those who are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at STEM to study in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
field will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them have no sense of achievement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
rising pressure. Aside from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on emotional development, a society can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
if the community is full of variety. The diversity of an organization has
been proven
to be beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
can
be exchanged
, and
therefore
a more creative environment will occur. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, a person can contribute the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
when they
be put
on the right spot and exploit their potential.

In conclusion
, the disadvantages of limiting students' profession outweigh the advantages.
Therefore
, it is better for them to decide their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Only
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
can we have a more diverse and healthy society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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