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some people think that advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effect v.2

some people think that advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effect v. 2
There are different views the effects of advertisements. Although I am aware of some disadvantages of advertising, I believe that it has positive effects on economic development. Admittedly, advertisement could bring about some consequences. Many people in modern society are exposed to many types of advertising. In fact, when people use their mobile phones, they often tend to look up online, and they could see a number of online advertising. However, one of the concerned problem is that people might find it easy to see exaggerated advertising online. Sometimes, companies only highlight the positive characteristics of a product and try to hide its negative aspects. As a result, some customers are likely to be cheated and fall victim to fraud by such marketing trick. There is another reason here why people are likely to feel depressed when they compare their lives with other's lives. Many companies tend to hire famous celebrities to make advertisement better. Sometimes, celebrities' lives are prone to represent a high status. Therefore, some people might try to follow their life-style and get products which they already have. Consequently, even if some people con not afford to spend exorbitant product, they would pay them not to have a sense of deprivation. However, I still believe that advertising plays an essential role in economic growth. With the advanced technology, many companies find it difficult to survive in their fields without online advertising. Due to the increasing number of smart phone user, advertising on the Internet has been consider an effective way to promote their products. If companies can capture potential customers' mind online, they can increase the sales of their products. As a result, the increasing profits would lead to the development of these enterprises. Furthermore, this situation would help the employment rates to rise. This is because companies need to hire experts engaging in the advertising industry such as directors, computer programmers and musicians In conclusion, while I understand that there are some drawbacks to advertising, I believe that this should be seen as a positive development.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views the effects of advertisements. Although I am aware of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of advertising, I believe that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on economic development.

Admittedly
, advertisement could bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consequences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in modern society
are exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of advertising. In fact, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their mobile phones, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to look up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, and they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
advertising.
However
, one of the concerned problem is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might find it easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
exaggerated advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
highlight the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
characteristics of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
customers are likely to
be cheated
and fall victim to fraud by such marketing trick. There is another reason here why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to feel depressed when they compare their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with other's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
tend to hire
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
advertisement better.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, celebrities'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are prone to represent a high status.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might try to follow their life-style and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which they already have.
Consequently
, even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
con not afford to spend exorbitant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, they would pay them not to have a sense of deprivation.

However
, I
still
believe that advertising plays an essential role in economic growth. With the advanced technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
find it difficult to survive in their fields without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
advertising. Due to the increasing number of smart phone user, advertising on the Internet has been
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
an effective way to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can capture potential customers' mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, they can increase the sales of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
As a result
, the increasing profits would lead to the development of these enterprises.
Furthermore
, this situation would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the employment rates to rise. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
need to hire experts engaging in the advertising industry such as directors, computer programmers and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
musicians


In conclusion
, while I understand that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to advertising, I believe that this should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effect v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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