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Some people think that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. yXARE
It is a common belief that there should be a ban on advertisements targeting children. I completely agree with this view for several reasons. The first argument given to support my opinion is that advertisements for products such as fast food and soft drinks can be responsible for childhood obesity. This due to the fact that companies are likely to show advertisements might ignoring the possible health risks attached with their products. Children who have not acquired enough knowledge and experiences to make judgments on themselves, therefore, are unaware of the detrimental health effects when consuming these products. With such ignorance, they are easily persuaded to eat these unhealthy food, which could make them run the risks of gaining excessive weight. Another reason why I hold this view is that advertising to children could place a financial burden on parents. Because of being taken advantage of innocence, when getting exposure to attractive toy advertisements, children would become interested in whatever products they see on advertisements without taking into consideration the functions and practical value of those products. As a result, they might wheedle their parents into purchasing products advertised at any cost. Favourite cartoon characters advertising campaigns can perfectly exemplifies this situation. To be more specific, they are appealing to children so that they have to pester their parents to buy products which may not be unnecessary at an exorbitant price. In conclusion, I strongly believe that a ban on advertisements aimed at kids should be imposed because it can be disadvantageous to children's health and their family finance.
It is a common belief that there should be a ban on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view for several reasons.

The
first
argument
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support my opinion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and soft drinks can be responsible for childhood obesity. This due to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
might ignoring the possible health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
attached with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who have not acquired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge and experiences to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
judgments on themselves,
therefore
, are unaware of the detrimental health effects when consuming these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. With such ignorance, they are
easily
persuaded to eat these unhealthy food, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them run the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of gaining excessive weight.

Another reason why I hold this view is that advertising to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could place a financial burden on parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
being taken
advantage of innocence, when getting exposure to attractive toy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would become interested in whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
without taking into consideration the functions and practical value of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
As a result
, they might wheedle their parents into purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
advertised at any cost.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Favourite' is British English.
Favourite
cartoon characters advertising campaigns can
perfectly
exemplifies this situation. To be more specific, they are appealing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pester their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which may not be unnecessary at an exorbitant price.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that a ban on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
aimed at kids should
be imposed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can be disadvantageous to children's health and their family finance.
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IELTS essay Some people think that advertisements aimed at children should be banned.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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