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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encoutaged.Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this and give your personal opinion.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encoutaged. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this and give your personal opinion. BWKNw
The growth of any fields is directly related to competition. According to some experts, it is essential to cultivate a sense of competition in children. In this essay, I intend to highlight both pros and cons of inspiring the feeling of contention in children and I will give my personal opinion. Initially, encouraging a sense of rivalry in children that it provide to be resistant to any hardship and demonstrate good results on the way of achieving their intention. For instance, applicants also compete with each other to enroll universities and those who endure this contention achieve their purposes. By this way, youth will be to enlarge their experience and skills. On the contrary, negative effects can also occur due to rivalry. For example, Conor is so outraged that he lost to Khabib that it is clear that they will not end well if they meet each other. They may attemt to kill each other or other crimes may occur. As far as, my opinion is concerned, it is good to form a sense of competition in children and we need to be able to control our emotions when needed. A sense of contention in children aids them to be resilient an the way to obtain their goals. For example, Arthur Taymazov defeated his rivals who set an Olimpic record. This result did not come spontaneously, it was achieved due to many difficulties, tireless trainings. On the whole, contemporary a sense of competition nurtures children to be strong, resilient and skilled, while being overly emotional can lead to negative results. Certainly, advantages are justified but you should not commit crime just to compete.
The growth of any fields is
directly
related to competition.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts, it is essential to cultivate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of competition in children.

In this essay, I intend to highlight both pros and cons of inspiring the feeling of contention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and I will give my personal opinion.

Initially
, encouraging a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of rivalry in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that it provide to be resistant to any hardship and demonstrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results on the way of achieving their intention.
For instance
, applicants
also
compete with each other to enroll universities and those who endure this contention achieve their purposes.

By this way, youth will be to enlarge their experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects can
also
occur due to rivalry.
For example
, Conor is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
outraged that he lost to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khabib
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
well if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other.

They may
Possible spelling mistake found.
attemt
to kill each other or other crimes may occur.

As far as, my opinion
is concerned
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to form a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of competition in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
we need to be able to control our emotions when needed.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of contention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aids them to be resilient
Did you mean "and" or "any"?
an
the way to obtain their goals.
For example
, Arthur
Possible spelling mistake found.
Taymazov
defeated his rivals who set an
Possible spelling mistake found.
Olimpic
record.

This result did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
spontaneously
, it
was achieved
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties, tireless trainings.

On the whole
, contemporary a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of competition nurtures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be strong, resilient and skilled, while being
overly
emotional can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results.

Certainly
, advantages
are justified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you should not commit crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to compete.
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IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encoutaged. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this and give your personal opinion.

Essay
  American English
12 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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