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Many young people do noble work in poor countries. Why? who benefits from this?

Many young people do noble work in poor countries. Why? who benefits from this? ne37o
Many young people are awakening and consider social welfare as their duty. They start doing voluntary work in under-developed countries. The principal reason for this is the sense of responsibility. Being part of society, they, and the society, both get benefits from their noble work. Firstly, they do the self-less work because they consider themselves as a part of society. Being this, they desire to contribute something in its betterment. They believe if they take initiatives, then the world will be a better place to live in. For example, the young population of the USA is migrating to India so that they can serve its poor population. They have this idea in their head that their efforts can change the universe. Additionally, despite being government support, world needs their help too. Secondly, society and these people, both are in a win-win situation. The country where they work develops with their enormous efforts. It starts growing with the ideas brought by them from their original country. Further, they also learn many innovative things by facing the challenges of developing countries which they could not while staying back in their native places. For instance, youth learn how to manage in traffic jams when they are in densely populated areas. Hence, it’s not that either of country or young population is in a beneficial situation; however, they both enjoy benefits with this. In conclusion, unpaid work is a great initiative that is taken by young masses when they believe it is their responsibility to help poverty-stricken countries. In my viewpoint, society and young individuals grow by this, although it is a tough task, people benefit from this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are awakening and consider social welfare as their duty. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in under-developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The principal reason for this is the sense of responsibility. Being part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, they, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits from their noble work.

Firstly
, they do the self-less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they consider themselves as a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Being this, they desire to contribute something in its betterment. They believe if they take initiatives, then the world will be a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population of the USA is migrating to India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can serve its poor population. They have this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in their head that their efforts can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the universe.
Additionally
, despite being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support, world needs their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
too.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, both are in a win-win situation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
develops with their enormous efforts. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
growing with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
brought by them from their original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Further
, they
also
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innovative things by facing the challenges of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which they could not while staying back in their native places.
For instance
, youth learn how to manage in traffic jams when they are in
densely
populated areas.
Hence
, it’s not that either of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population is in a beneficial situation;
however
, they both enjoy benefits with this.

In conclusion
, unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a great initiative that
is taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
masses when they believe it is their responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poverty-stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In my viewpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals grow by this, although it is a tough task,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
benefit from this.
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IELTS essay Many young people do noble work in poor countries. Why? who benefits from this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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