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A week without technological device

A week without technological device WGRpb
Nowadays, with the precocious technology, everyone including me use phones as a close friend because when we feel downhearted or we tend to stay away from the massive crowd of people due to the increasing numbers of population every year, we go somewhere quiet and just turn on the internet, we can go through different kinds of musics, videos, documentries and so on. So to tell the truth, it is really tricky to hinder using phone. [  ] First of all, i am a person being low in eyepower so the less i pay attention on phone, the better my eye. During these days, some people are addicted to phones and also give too much time on phones and with the result of these, they lead to metal disability and even end in death. Secondly, i am a studend and i am used to applying phones in studying my subjects and because of this, phones become not solely the close friend but also the best compinion for searching the answers i need to apply. But if i need to keep away my phone for only one week, it will make no different for me in studying and also i get the free time to relax both my mind and my body as the school lessons put the huge pressure on me. Finally, by doing this, i can also make up my mind to dismantle the obession whatever it is like crave to use phone or something that is connected to our life. So i think that is the very first step to train my mind not to be self-indulged person. In nutshell, it is feasible to avoid using phones for one week but if i have got to stay for all month long or all year long, it is impossible because as i mentioned in upper paragraph i have to rely on phone for my subjects and 21st century is era of developing technologies. But if i have to cut off using phone for one week, i must pack a dozen of books i am really interested with the reason of being bookworm just in case and so that is why i can surpass the boredom in the days of staying alone without phone.
Nowadays, with the precocious technology, everyone including me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
as a close friend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when we feel
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
downhearted or
we tend to stay away from the massive crowd of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
due to the increasing numbers of population every year, we go somewhere quiet and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
turn on the internet, we can go through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of musics, videos,
Possible spelling mistake found.
documentries
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the truth, it is
really
tricky to hinder using phone.

[
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
]
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am a person being low in
Possible spelling mistake found.
eyepower
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the less
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
pay attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, the better my eye. During these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and
also
give too much time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and with the result of these, they lead to metal disability and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
in death.
Secondly
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am a
Possible spelling mistake found.
studend
and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to applying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in studying my subjects and
because of this
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
become not
solely
the close friend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the best
Possible spelling mistake found.
compinion
for searching the answers
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
need to apply.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one week, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for me in studying and
also
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the free time to relax both my mind and my body as the school lessons put the huge pressure on me.
Finally
, by doing this,
Did you mean "I"?
i
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up my mind to dismantle the
Possible spelling mistake found.
obession
whatever it is like crave to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
or something that
is connected
to our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
step to train my mind not to be self-indulged person.

In nutshell, it is feasible to avoid using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for one week
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to stay for all month long or all year long, it is impossible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
mentioned in upper paragraph
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for my subjects and 21st century is era of developing technologies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for one week,
Did you mean "I"?
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pack a dozen of books
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am
really
interested with the reason of being bookworm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in case and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that is
why
Did you mean "I"?
i
can surpass the boredom in the days of staying alone without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
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IELTS essay A week without technological device

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
374 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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