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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Other believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Children are the tender buds of the society and due to the accelerated speed of technological advancements never before has the sense of competition been among the consequential issues as much as it does today. Hence, there has been distinctive approaches considering whether it would be better to compliment this sort of sense or it would be guided and ruled to have much more effectiveness in adulthood. However, on closer inspection, I surmise that the former one appears to be outweighed. Therefore, some clear-cut reasons will be included below. To start off with, indisputably, having creative self-confidence will be positive side of sense of competition among youngsters. The much-discussed factors reveals that they can awaken the power of being leadership to guide other others. More precisely, if any challenges occur such as tackling whether mathematical or scientific problems, they are only ones to put their steps forward. An appropriate example of this would be having a suitable job's opportunity in future. In fact, an employee with an adequate self-confidence could be a great choice for issues ahead such as meeting, debating, or even consulting. On flip side, lies another comprehensive perspective attributing both the cooperative sense and ever-present merits. To the fact, is a participatory environment that encourage adolescents to any conducive communications. On the other hand, not only have they been taught to solve the challenges in terms of team working, but also disciplined that multiple hands will definitely be influential rather than an individual hand. As a result, these positive effects will be shown in their forthcoming opportunities like perplex projects, sports, and carriers. Considered having the aforesaid factors, I am convinced that the concept of competitiveness among younger ages and its beneficial consequences are of overriding issues for having highly-fruitful society. Accordingly, it would be generally advisable for parents to maximize this opportunity in peaceful methods.
Children are the tender buds of the society and due to the accelerated speed of technological advancements never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of competition been among the consequential issues as much as it does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Hence
, there has been distinctive approaches considering whether it would be better to compliment this sort of
Use a comma before ‘or’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sense or
it would
be guided
and ruled to have much more effectiveness in adulthood.
However
, on closer inspection, I surmise that the former one appears to
be outweighed
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
reasons will
be included
below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
off with,
indisputably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
creative self-confidence will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of competition among youngsters. The much-discussed factors reveals that they can awaken the power of being leadership to guide other others. More
precisely
, if any challenges occur such as tackling whether mathematical or scientific problems, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones to put their steps forward. An appropriate example of this would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a suitable job's opportunity
The phrase ‘in future’ is British English. Did you mean: “in the future”?
in future
. In fact, an employee with an adequate self-confidence could be a great choice for issues ahead such as meeting, debating, or even consulting.

On flip side, lies another comprehensive perspective attributing both the cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
and ever-present merits. To the fact, is a participatory environment that encourage adolescents to any conducive communications.
On the other hand
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have they
been taught
to solve the challenges in terms of team working,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
disciplined that multiple hands will definitely be influential
rather
than an individual hand.
As a result
, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects will
be shown
in their forthcoming opportunities like perplex projects, sports, and carriers.

Considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the aforesaid factors, I
am convinced
that the concept of competitiveness among younger ages and its beneficial consequences are of overriding issues for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
highly
-fruitful society.
Accordingly
, it would be
generally
advisable for parents to maximize this opportunity in peaceful methods.

IELTS essay Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Other believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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