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some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Other believe that children who are taught to co-operation rather than compete become more useful adults Discuss both views and give your opinion ?

some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Other believe that children who are taught to co-operation rather than compete become more useful adults PVMJ2
Subtle communities think that we have to prepare children for competition, while others believe that we should enhance co-operation skill instead of competition. I will sketch both views in further essay before giving my own opinion. One side of the notion weigh on to encouragement for competition and there are several reason that endsoure it. The chief reason of it that creativity can be burgeoned in early age. If children encourage for competition, they build creativity from early age. For example, a recent study light on competition among primary school children, as a result creativity level of participants is better that who did not participated. On the other hand, people emphasize on co-operation to competition. To begin with, early age is quality time to learn anything. Children develop ideal lifestyle in their adults session if they learnt important lesson of life in their childhood days. For instance, India's tradition education system. In my opinion, co-operation and competition both are essential for every person in their early age and both have their own benefits. Firstly, children are already well prepared for competition that they will face in future. Secondly, through the co-operation, they become ideal person and they help to build a good society. By the way of conclusion, competition enhance children's creativity and co-operation give hand to make a beautiful society therefor we should weigh on both perspective.
Subtle communities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, while others believe that we should enhance co-operation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. I will sketch both views in
further
essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

One side of the notion weigh on to encouragement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and there are
Possible agreement error. The noun reason seems to be countable; consider using: "several reasons".
several reason
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
endsoure
it. The chief reason of it that creativity can
be burgeoned
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
encourage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, they build creativity from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
For example
, a recent study light on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among primary school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
as a result
creativity level of participants is better that who did not participated.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
emphasize on co-operation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is quality time to learn anything.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
develop ideal lifestyle in their adults session if they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lesson of life in their childhood days.
For instance
, India's tradition education system.

In my opinion, co-operation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
both are essential for every person in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and both have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are already
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
that they will face
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Secondly
, through the co-operation, they become ideal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
society.

By the way of conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
enhance children's creativity and co-operation give hand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
society therefor we should weigh on both perspective.
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IELTS essay some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Other believe that children who are taught to co-operation rather than compete become more useful adults

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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