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Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? BJYra
Extreme sports are becoming popular among citizens and have attracted the attention of the public. While some may argue that such sports are too dangerous and should be banned, I could not agree with this piont of view. It is true that extreme sports like skiing and skydiving are sometimes lack of security, and many reports have shown that ‘people die from extreme sports every year’ is not a joke. Without mature safety standards and adequate insurance equipment, extreme sports do exist security risks. Moreover, extrme sports are generally expensive, for its special equipment, site requirements and specific guidance costs. Some may suppose extreme sports are totally squandering money. These are the main sources of public aversion to extreme sports. However, these should not be the reasons for banning extreme sports. There are actually many classificaitons for extreme sports, some of them are not that dangerous, like rock climbing and skateboarding. Almost no one understand their function on building body and cultivating perseverance. Security measures for rock climbing are mature enough today that many tourist attractions would set ‘Rock climbing experience’ as a means of attracting tourists. This kind of sport can not only help exercise tourists’ bodies, but also teach them to be patient. Nowadays, The fun of extreme sports can be experienced by people of all ages. On top of that, extreme sports are virtually excellent ways for entertainment and relaxiation. It is undenyable that extreme sports can greatly relieve the pressure of work or study by promoting the secretion of excitatory hormone, which means one could improve his efficiency at work after experiencing exciting movement. Moreover, again, it can be benefical for one’s health through promoting metabolic cycle and strengthening immunity. In conclusion, though extreme sports are sometimes dangerous, we should not deny all of them since they are helpful to us at most of the time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are becoming popular among citizens and have attracted the attention of the public. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and should
be banned
, I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
Possible spelling mistake found.
piont
of view.

It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like skiing and skydiving are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lack of security, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reports have shown that ‘
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
every year’ is not a joke. Without mature safety standards and adequate insurance equipment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
do exist security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
extrme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
generally
expensive, for its special equipment, site requirements and specific guidance costs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "supposes".
suppose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
totally
squandering money. These are the main sources of public aversion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
sports.

However
, these should not be the reasons for banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. There are actually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
classificaitons
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are not that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, like rock climbing and skateboarding. Almost no one understand their function on building body and cultivating perseverance. Security measures for rock climbing are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourist attractions would set ‘Rock climbing experience’ as a means of attracting tourists. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
exercise tourists’ bodies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
teach them to be patient. Nowadays, The fun of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
be experienced
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all ages.

On top of that
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
virtually
excellent ways for entertainment and
Possible spelling mistake found.
relaxiation
. It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
undenyable
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
greatly
relieve the pressure of work or study by promoting the secretion of
Possible spelling mistake found.
excitatory
hormone, which means one could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his efficiency at work after experiencing exciting movement.
Moreover
, again, it can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefical
for one’s health through promoting metabolic cycle and strengthening immunity.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, we should not deny all of them since they are helpful to us at most of the time.
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IELTS essay Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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