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Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination. Other thinks that there are other factors behind a successful life. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination. Other thinks that there are other factors behind a successful life. 1k1a7
No one denies that a successful life is the most desirable goal, thus people are curious about which are the crucial factors that can be used to reflect a peak of their career. Although there are a variety of perspectives that money and appearance are the main indicators, I understand that diligence and persistence are more significant. On the one hand, it is no doubt true that finance and personal appearance play a pivotal role in attaining accomplishments. The first and foremost reason is that people who are born in affluent families have a good foundation for their development and prosperity. For instance, they can be able to inherit their parent’s assets and easily start their own business. In the second place, nowadays, it often emerges that an attractive appearance is of paramount importance to certain key sectors such as entertainment or fashion. In this case, a singer or model with a beautiful appearance can draw much attention from audiences and have greater opportunities to climb the social ladder. On the other hand, from my perspective, determined and industrious people are likely to have better chances of success. The first salient reason is that not everyone is fortunate enough to be born in wealthy families or to be beautiful, but by putting a great deal of effort, they could achieve their goals. The clearest example can be seen in Nick Vujic, despite the absence of four limbs, he learnt to swim and successfully earned a bachelor degree with a double major. Another pivotal indicator is that major success seldom comes easily without perseverance. For example, Thomas Edison had failed thousands of times before eventually inventing the lighting bulb. To sum up, although money and personal appearance have an influence on achievement, I argue that the role of being hardworking and persistent is far more crucial.
No one denies that a successful life is the most desirable goal,
thus
people
are curious about which are the crucial factors that can be
used
to reflect a peak of their career. Although there are a variety of perspectives that money and
appearance
are the main indicators, I understand that diligence and persistence are more significant.

On the one hand, it is no doubt true that finance and personal
appearance
play a pivotal role in attaining accomplishments. The
first
and foremost reason is that
people
who
are born
in affluent families have a
good
foundation for their development and prosperity.
For instance
, they can be able to inherit their parent’s assets and
easily
start
their
own
business. In the second place, nowadays, it
often
emerges that an attractive
appearance
is of paramount importance to certain key sectors such as entertainment or fashion.
In this case
, a singer or model with a
beautiful
appearance
can draw much attention from audiences and have greater opportunities to climb the social ladder.

On the other hand
, from my perspective, determined and industrious
people
are likely to have better chances of success. The
first
salient reason is that not everyone is fortunate
enough
to
be born
in wealthy families or to be
beautiful
,
but
by putting a great deal of effort, they could achieve their goals. The clearest example can be
seen
in Nick
Vujic
, despite the absence of four limbs, he
learnt
to swim and
successfully
earned a bachelor degree with a double major. Another pivotal indicator is that major success seldom
comes
easily
without perseverance.
For example
, Thomas Edison had failed thousands of times
before
eventually
inventing the lighting bulb.

To sum up, although money and personal
appearance
have an influence on achievement, I argue that the role of being hardworking and persistent is far more crucial.
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IELTS essay Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination. Other thinks that there are other factors behind a successful life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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