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Some people think studying in a college is important, others feel that work experience is more significant and school leavers should work rather than studying.

Some people think studying in a college is important, others feel that work experience is more significant and school leavers should work rather than studying. L3d7n
In recent years, some believe that studying in a university is very essential than experience of work. However, others disagree that, they think work ability is more vital after finishing school. I prefer to study in a college, so I try to explain, why it is important than working experience. On the one hand, studying level of graduate is significant for every student. In my opinion, they can exchange their ideas and they consolidate their knowledge and learn many things they did not know before. For example, as they study, their worldview changes and they broaden their horizons. In addition, after graduating from university, they can improve work experience easily, since they have knowledge and comprehension about this field. Additionally, after studying at school, there will not be basic understanding of a professional job. Therefore, they can work in the restaurants or shops, because they do not have qualifications. On the other hand, nowadays, diploma of graduate is considerable in every high-paying job. From my point of view, who wants to work in high-paying salary job, they have to study after school. For example, managers can choose by testing staff's knowledge, because every worker can solve many difficult problems, if they have information about this profession, and they can overcome every challenge with their capability. Nevertheless, if they do not have enough knowledge, they can be fired. However, even if they have knowledge, they can be promoted to a high-paying job, because their positions will increase by their mastery. In conclusion, nowadays, some people prefer studying in undergraduate, but some disagree, because they think students have to improve their work skills. From my perspective, students have to graduate university, after that they can improve their work experience within a short period.
In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in a university is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use "(essential)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
essential
than experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
However
, others disagree that, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
ability is more vital after finishing school. I prefer to study in a college,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, why it is
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than working experience.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
level of graduate is significant for every student. In my opinion, they can exchange their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ideas and
they consolidate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things they did not know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For example
, as they study, their worldview
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
changes and
they broaden their horizons.
In addition
, after graduating from university, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience
easily
, since they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and comprehension about this field.
Additionally
, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at school, there will not be basic understanding of a professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Therefore
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the restaurants or shops,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have qualifications.

On the other hand
, nowadays, diploma of graduate is considerable in every high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. From my point of view, who wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in high-paying salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study after school.
For example
, managers can choose by testing staff's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every worker can solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficult problems, if they have information about this profession, and they can overcome every challenge with their capability.
Nevertheless
, if they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, they can
be fired
.
However
, even if they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, they can
be promoted
to a high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their positions will increase by their mastery.

In conclusion
, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in undergraduate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. From my perspective, students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
graduate university, after that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience within a short period.
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IELTS essay Some people think studying in a college is important, others feel that work experience is more significant and school leavers should work rather than studying.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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