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Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. oe9g
Science has a vital role in humanity's life. Some believed that learning the science of food and preparation is beneficial to a student's welfare. However, a portion of individuals opposes this notion due to several reasons. Students usually study science of food because it boosts their in-depth knowledge about the subject matter. Gaining information through different investigations and experiments increases their intellectual capabilities to learn nutrition and develop new understanding on how to improve food system in the country. Apart from that, studying food science furnishes creativity to all. Due to several tests, students create ways on how to develop better food recipes that increases food nutrition and allows them to aid preparation that are safe for all mankind. To illustrate, food science experiments that baking tasty carrot cake increases the gratification of children plus, it is a great way to boost their health and metabolism. On the flip side, learning different food preparation requires intense effort, patience and perseverance to be able to handle all the researches. Such enthusiastic traits are required to be able to understand the entire concept well and able to handle pressure which some of the students are unable to do. More than that, instead of studying all the food science, students should prioritize first the subjects that their good at. Not all learners loves to prepare and do scientific research, some students prefer to do art work which enables them to show their true emotions and creativity. For instance, college students who love to design dresses and gowns are forced to do food nutrition which eventually create terrible markings in the final semester and did not pass the subject. On the whole, learning science is a crucial factor in expanding student's skills as well as gained creativity. In contrast, the needed hard work and abilities of the children to learn are hindered. Nevertheless, I still strongly concur that doing scientific research are necessary for the mankind's welfare and economical progress.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
has a vital role in humanity's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believed that learning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and preparation is beneficial to a student's welfare.
However
, a portion of individuals opposes this notion due to several reasons.

Students
usually
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it boosts their in-depth knowledge about the
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
. Gaining information through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
investigations and experiments increases their intellectual capabilities to learn nutrition and develop new understanding on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
system in the country. Apart from that, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
furnishes creativity to all. Due to several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
create ways on how to develop better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
recipes that increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
nutrition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to aid preparation that are safe for all mankind. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
experiments that baking tasty carrot cake increases the gratification of children plus, it is a great way to boost their health and metabolism.

On the flip side, learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
preparation requires intense effort, patience and perseverance to be able to handle all the researches. Such enthusiastic traits
are required
to be able to understand the entire concept well and able to handle pressure which
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are unable to do. More than that,
instead
of studying all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should prioritize
first
the subjects that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at. Not all learners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to prepare and do scientific research,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to do art work which enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their true emotions and creativity.
For instance
, college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to design dresses and gowns
are forced
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
nutrition which
eventually
create terrible markings in the final semester and did not pass the subject.

On the whole
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is a crucial factor in expanding student's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as gained creativity.
In contrast
, the needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and abilities of the children to learn
are hindered
.
Nevertheless
, I
still
strongly
concur that doing scientific research are necessary for the mankind's welfare and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
progress.
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IELTS essay Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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