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Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on important subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on important subjects. k76R
It's a conflict between few individuals that science related to food study are more valuable then rest of the studies but others rejected it by saying that students should focus on essential studies. I believe everyone should focus on his interests then he can achieve something and it can be any field. First, I will explain you why students have to choose their favourite subject because every subject has it's own value and worth, matters it that how deeply we examine it? Furthermore, The more we get knowledge the more we could have inventions. Inventions can be in any subjects whether, it's math, arts, human science or food science etc. For example, After the invention of Internet whole world gone change became a global village. Now everyone can access any thing easily specially to get knowledge or he have to do communication, That was not food related science. However, Food science is also necessary because food is our basic need numerous researches means plethora of inventions, Which is also very good for us. Although, We will get more awareness related to our vital source that what is important or what is not. In the end, I ought to like to say that students should focus on their education because next in the future they will take their country. So, They have to take serious their education, Which can be from any field.
It's a conflict between few individuals that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
study are more valuable
Did you mean "than"?
then
rest of the studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others rejected it by saying that students should focus on essential studies. I believe everyone should focus on his interests then he can achieve something and it can be any field.

First
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
The verb 'to explain something to someone' requires a preposition.
you
why students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every subject has
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
value and worth, matters it that how
deeply
we examine it?
Furthermore
, The more we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge the more we could have inventions. Inventions can be in any subjects whether, it's math, arts, human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
etc.

For example
, After the invention of Internet whole world gone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
became a global village.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
everyone can access
Did you mean "anything"?
any thing
easily
specially
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledge or
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
to do communication, That was not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
related science.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is
also
necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is our basic need numerous researches means plethora of inventions, Which is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for us.

Although, We will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more awareness related to our vital source that what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or what is not.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I ought to like to say that students should focus on their education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
next
in the future they will take their country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take serious their education, Which can be from any field.
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IELTS essay Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on important subjects.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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