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Some people think sports are important to society. Others say that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give opinion. v.1

Some people think sports are important to society. Others say that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 1
In today's world, Preserving natural resources has become of high value trend as the list of endangered plants and animals continues to grow tremendously. The causes are: developments in agriculture, mining and lack of awareness. this essay will elaborate the potential measures that can be taken to prevent wild animals and plants from extinction. First and foremost, it is indispensable that implementing strong laws against deforestation will play an insignificant role in preserving natural habitats. However, these regulations should be applied wisely because humans also have needs to be met. For example, In European countries logging trees is allowed under governmental observation, whilst in Africa vegetations and tree cutting is taking place without any control. Secondly, it is crucial to inform people from all over the world about the negative effects that follow animal's fur purchasing. In other words, fur is desired as a fashionable status symbol; subscribing to this notion, definitely encourages more animal slaughter. If authorities ban this kind of business, an immense amount of animals would survive. In African nations, about 50% of wild animals have been killed because of the fur business. Indeed, raising people's awareness will be highly effective in eliminating this trade. In conclusion, it is imperative to carefully measure and control any activity that is likely to pose a threat to the survival of the species as their survival has a positive influence on the ecosystem. It is not a sentimental issue, but essential to the well-being of humankind
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, Preserving natural resources has become of high value trend as the list of endangered plants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
continues to grow
tremendously
. The causes are: developments in agriculture, mining and lack of awareness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay will elaborate the potential measures that can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and plants from extinction.

First
and foremost, it is indispensable that implementing strong laws against deforestation will play an insignificant role in preserving natural habitats.
However
, these regulations should
be applied
wisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
humans
also
have needs to
be met
.
For example
, In European countries logging trees is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
under governmental observation, whilst in Africa
Possible spelling mistake found.
vegetations
and tree cutting is taking place without any control.

Secondly
, it is crucial to inform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all over the world about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that follow animal's fur purchasing.
In other words
, fur
is desired
as a fashionable status symbol; subscribing to this notion, definitely encourages more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
slaughter. If authorities ban this kind of business, an immense amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
would survive. In African nations, about 50% of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have
been killed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fur business.
Indeed
, raising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's awareness will be
highly
effective in eliminating this trade.

In conclusion
, it is imperative to
carefully
measure and control any activity
that is
likely to pose a threat to the survival of the species as their survival has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on the ecosystem. It is not a sentimental issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
essential to the well-being of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
humankind
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think sports are important to society. Others say that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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