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Some people think secondary students should study international news as a school subject but others suggest that it is a waste of students valuable school time Discuss both and give your opinion v.2

Some people think secondary students should study international news as a school subject but others suggest that it is a waste of students valuable school time 2
No one can argue that updating news is very important these days. Some people assert that teaching international news should be taken in secondary schools because it is very useful in some points, while others argue that it can waste students’ precious time. Both sides will be discussed carefully. To begin with, there are many advantages for students who keep following international news. Firstly, learning international news helps students to open their eyes and know other nations. International knowledge, different cultures and various political systems can be acquired by only studying international news. As the globalization is dramatically increasing, it is very necessary for younger people to follow what is happening in the world. This is because, learning other nations’ news promotes the basic knowledge of other countries which helps students to be ready to get in the international job market in the future. Moreover, the comprehensive of international issues can improve the bond with other nations because teaching this thing to secondary students will develop good understanding about other countries to younger people which can definitely improve the national ties in the future. On the other hand, some people oppose that there are many disadvantages of educating international news. Firstly, it definitely wastes times for secondary students. As this topic is not related to our common daily lives, international issues are very far from students’ lives. Therefore, there is no point to instruct secondary students. In addition, there are many complicated information on international news such as different political systems or economic issues which can be very difficult for younger people to perceive these issues. To sum up with my opinion, the benefits of teaching international news contribute to broadening students’ horizons and preparing students to the competitive job market in the future, whereas it can be very hard for them to overcome all different topics. However, schools should instruct and encourage students to keep following what is going on in other countries because it is definitely essential in order to compete with other nations.
No one can argue that updating
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news
is
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very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
assert that teaching
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international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should
be taken
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points, while others argue that it can waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
precious time. Both sides will
be discussed
carefully
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for
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students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Firstly
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to open their eyes and know
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other
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nations
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and various political systems can
be acquired
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. As the globalization is
dramatically
increasing, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow what is happening in the world. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, learning
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
promotes the basic knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
job market in the future.
Moreover
, the comprehensive of
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international
issues can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the bond with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
teaching this thing to
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secondary
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students
will develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding about
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other
countries to younger
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people
which can definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the national ties in the future.

On the
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other
hand,
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some
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people
oppose that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of educating
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international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Firstly
, it definitely wastes times for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. As this topic is not related to our common daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
issues are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
far from
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students’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
, there is no point to instruct
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secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
In addition
, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun information seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much complicated information", "a good deal of complicated information".
many complicated information
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
political systems or economic issues which can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to perceive these issues.

To sum up with my opinion, the benefits of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
contribute to broadening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
horizons and preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to the competitive job market in the future, whereas it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to overcome all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
topics.
However
, schools should instruct and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
following what is going on in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is definitely essential in order to compete with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think secondary students should study international news as a school subject but others suggest that it is a waste of students valuable school time 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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