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Some companies in the United States have developed "wellness" programs that give rewards or incentives to employees for achieving certain health-related goals, such as stopping smoking or losing weight. The rewards and incentives include v.3

Some companies in the United States have developed "wellness" programs that give rewards or incentives to employees for achieving certain health-related goals, such as stopping smoking or losing weight. The rewards and incentives include v. 3
The professor in the lecture casts doubt on the reading passage’s belief that giving rewards or incentives to staff to motivate them to fulfill the goals for health is effective and beneficial. The professor points out several drawbacks of this wellness program. Firstly, the reading mentions that the incentives, especially the financial rewards, are the wisest option for people to keep fit due to the study results. However, the lecturer declares that the effects of such motivations can merely last briefly on account of another study’s report which shows that such temporary influence lose its effectiveness after a period of time. For example, they may get back to their previous lifestyle again, such as smoking or putting on their weight. Secondly, contrary to the reading passage’s idea that rewarding people who live healthily can ensure the justice for those people since they incur medical costs less frequently, the professor states that although it is fair for these healthy employees, but it lose its equity for those who are unintentionally unhealthy because a healthy body actually relies on a myriad of factors. For instance, some people may be too busy with their families to do exercise. Also, in some cases, it is the genetic factor that results in people’s obesity. Finally, the reading believes that the program can in turn bring back a financial report for the company due to the decrease of staff’s absence of work. The lecturer, on the other hand, contends that it is not ascertained that it can literally save money for the company in the long term because the effects will take years to be obvious, while the employees generally tend to stay in a single company for a short time, which means that they are likely to leave their job when the effects of the program are still vague. As a result, the company cannot get financial beneficial.
The professor in the lecture casts doubt on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
passage’s belief that giving rewards or incentives to staff to motivate them to fulfill the goals for health is effective and beneficial. The professor points out several drawbacks of this wellness program.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
mentions that the incentives,
especially
the financial rewards, are the wisest option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit due to the study results.
However
, the lecturer declares that the effects of such motivations can
merely
last
briefly
on account of another study’s report which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that such temporary influence lose its effectiveness after a period of time.
For example
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to their previous lifestyle again, such as smoking or putting on their weight.

Secondly
, contrary to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
passage’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthily
can ensure the justice for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since they incur medical costs less
frequently
, the professor states that although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
for these healthy employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
Did you mean "loses"?
lose
its equity for those who are
unintentionally
unhealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a healthy body actually relies on a myriad of factors.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may be too busy with their families to do exercise.
Also
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, it is the genetic factor that results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
obesity.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
believes that the program can in turn bring back a financial report for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
due to the decrease of staff’s absence of work. The lecturer,
on the other hand
, contends that it is not ascertained that it can
literally
save money for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in the long term
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the effects will take years to be obvious, while the employees
generally
tend to stay in a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for a short time, which means that they are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their job when the effects of the program are
still
vague.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
financial beneficial.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies in the United States have developed "wellness" programs that give rewards or incentives to employees for achieving certain health-related goals, such as stopping smoking or losing weight. The rewards and incentives include v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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