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City dwellers seldom socialize with their neighbors today and the sense of community has been lost. Why has this happened and how to solve this problem? v.2

City dwellers seldom socialize with their neighbors today and the sense of community has been lost. Why has this happened and how to solve this problem? v. 2
Nowadays people living in city don' t socialize with their neighbors often and the community' s feeling has been lost. because they are really busy with work and they just want to relax after a tiring day in their home. So, the best way to bring everyone and their neighbours together is that there should be more message about the role of neighbours. The first reason of this problem is the amount of work that they have to do in one day. As can be seen, people who live in city mostly have a busy day with the hustle and bustle life. after tiring day, they just want to reduce stress by themselves. Beside, some of them think that talking with neighbours is time-consuming. Furthermore, they are always impressed by modern technology and most of them choose using smartphone or television to relax because of its convenience. they can chat, make video calls to the others and sharing many things. that' s all the reason why people rarely socialize with their neighbors today. There are some solutions for this issue. Firstly, the government should give to all the people messages about the important role of neighbors. Secondly, movies film directors have more productions which has content about neighbors. For example, they can talk about the needs when we are alone, we don' t know how to spell problem without internet or any relatives. In conclusion, people who live in city don' t communicate with neighbors as much as they used to because of some reasons such as busy work all the improvement of technology. However, we can tackle with the messages in films or that from government.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in city
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t socialize with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
neighbors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
community&
#039; s feeling has
been lost
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
they are
really
busy with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to relax after a tiring day in their home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the best way to bring everyone and their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
together is that there should be more message about the role of
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.

The
first
reason of this problem is the amount of work that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do in one day. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in city
mostly
have a busy day with the hustle and bustle life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
tiring day, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
by themselves. Beside,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that talking with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
is time-consuming.
Furthermore
, they are always impressed by modern technology and most of them choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to use".
using
smartphone or television to relax
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its convenience.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
can chat,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
video calls to the others and sharing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that&
#039; s all the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rarely socialize with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
neighbors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions for this issue.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
messages
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
neighbors
.
Secondly
, movies film directors have more productions which has content about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
neighbors
.
For example
, they can talk about the needs when we are alone, we
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t know how to spell problem without internet or any relatives.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in city
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
neighbors
as much as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons such as busy work all the improvement of technology.
However
, we can tackle with the messages in films or that from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay City dwellers seldom socialize with their neighbors today and the sense of community has been lost. Why has this happened and how to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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