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Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success while other believe this depends on other factors discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success while other believe this depends on other factors discuss both sides and give your own opinion GLD3g
Number of people have argued that living delightful by heart is directly attached with wealth or success in economy while some individuals think that other factors are also take a crucial in upcoming paragraphs I will discuss both notions and give my own point of viewOn the one hand, by the economic success people might be saty happy as they can fulfill their expensive they can easily buy all the the high prices things. It is often believe that there are a number of people who are facing poverty and they would like to live a lifestyle as rich people are having in terms of real branded clothes parties and enjoy a lot for intense in worldwide rich people are quite happy in order to have as a result they have less concerned about the things which they would like to get On the other hand, apart from economic success, there are many things; honest, humanity and sociality, ever play a vital role in living personaly happy, no doubt, if the family have great bonding with each other, they feel happy as a company of members also provide a warm happiness wether they have a money or not. Because sometime as in critical situation people more than like a togetherness to the money such as when one have any serious condition serious condition, and a famous quotes is "health is wealth" so definitely there are many other things also do matterIn conclusion, although economic has a important role for happiness as the fulfill their costaly demands, there are other things; health, togetherness, humanity, honesty also take a useful part being personally happy; however in my point of view, live wealthy and having social thing both are equally important to being happy by deeply, as a more money make a person happy to get desires and other things helpfull for a person to making a good or loving personality in the society
Number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have argued that living delightful by heart is
directly
attached with wealth or success in economy while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors are
also
Consider using a past participle here: "taken".
take
a crucial in upcoming paragraphs I will discuss both notions and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of
Possible spelling mistake found.
viewOn
the one hand, by the economic success
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might be
Possible spelling mistake found.
saty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
as they can fulfill their expensive they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
high prices things. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believe that there are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are facing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
poverty and
they would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a lifestyle as rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having in terms of real branded clothes parties and enjoy a lot for intense in worldwide rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in order to have
as a result
they have less concerned about the things which they would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get


On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, apart from economic success, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things; honest, humanity and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sociality
, ever play a vital role in living
Possible spelling mistake found.
personaly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
, no doubt, if the family have great bonding with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, they feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of members
also
provide a warm happiness
Possible spelling mistake found.
wether
they have a money or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
sometime as in critical situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more than like a togetherness to the money such as when one have any
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "serious condition".
serious condition serious condition
, and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "quote"?
quotes
is
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
health is wealth
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
definitely there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things
also
do
Possible spelling mistake found.
matterIn
conclusion, although economic has
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for happiness as
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'fulfill' is correct. If 'fulfill' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the fulfill
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
costaly
demands, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things; health, togetherness, humanity, honesty
also
take a useful part being
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
;
however
in my point of view,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
wealthy and having social thing both are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
by
deeply
, as a more money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
desires and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things
Possible spelling mistake found.
helpfull
for a person to making a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or loving personality in the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
society
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IELTS essay Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success while other believe this depends on other factors discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
320 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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