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smoking harms human health

smoking harms human health qaODD
Firstly, smoking has a seriously impact on our health because cigarettes contain nicotine which is a substance that causes diseases of cancer, cardiac and lung disease, besides that life expectancy is much shorter. Not only the individual smoker but also passive smokers such as children and pregnant women will be seriously affected when breathing cigarette smoke. Besides that smoking takes a lot of money to buy tobacco. Instead of using money to buy useful things like buying healthy foods or saving for travel. So cigarettes have highly negative affection on the health of the smoker and the people around them. Secondly, smoking can lead to social evils. Smoking many times will be a slave to tobacco. So addicts can make anything to satisfy the addiction that leads to social evils such as smuggling, robbery or killing people to have money to buy cigarettes. In addition, Adult Smoking creates bad habits for many young teenagers. They will imitate and gradually become addictive, leading to social evils. From there, it creates a community of smoker that influence the eye of international friends about the image of the people, the country. Therefore, the government should make more laws to regulate these bad habits and control smoking in public places.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has a
You used an adverb ('seriously') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('impact') instead of another adjective.
seriously impact
on our health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
contain nicotine which is a substance that causes diseases of cancer, cardiac and lung disease,
besides
that life expectancy is much shorter. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the individual smoker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
passive smokers such as children and pregnant women will be
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
when breathing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
smoke.
Besides
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tobacco.
Instead
of using money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
useful things like buying healthy foods or saving for travel.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
have
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
affection on the health of the smoker and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
can lead to social evils.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times will be a slave to tobacco.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
addicts can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
anything to satisfy the addiction that leads to social evils such as smuggling, robbery or killing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
.
In addition
, Adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
creates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. They will imitate and
gradually
become addictive, leading to social evils. From there, it creates a community of smoker that influence the eye of international friends about the image of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the country.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more laws to regulate these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits and control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public places.
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Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay smoking harms human health

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
206 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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