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Children spent more time on computer games then sports . Give reason and it is positive or negetive development

Children spent more time on computer games then sports. Give reason and it is positive or negetive development JVDya
It is observed that instead of playing sports, children prefer digital games. It is happening because of hectic schedule of students. This essay believes that it is negative development because it couse health problems among childrenTo begin with, the major reason why student indulge in computer games is that they have busy schedule. It is because as student are completely many tasks in one day like attending classes and tutions after these activities they do not have enough energy to go outside for playing any physical games so they prefer to stay home for playing computer games because it is easy way for enjoyment. Due to this they easily get relaxed and enjoyed. For instance, a survey was conducted by newspaper of japan which shows that 73 % of high school students are interesting in digital games due to their hectic schedule Furthermore, playing video games harm health. This is because when students always spend their time for playing computer games they sit on one position for long period and no physical efforts are done by them then they face many health issues like weak eyesight and obesity resulting in bad effect on their body. To examplefy, a renowned news channel found that half population of students is struggling with health problems by over use of computer To conclude, although computer ge provide various information amoong students and it is negative development as it empect on health of children
It
is observed
that
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports, children prefer digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of hectic schedule of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This essay believes that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
couse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems among
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrenTo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
indulge in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is that they have busy schedule. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
are completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks in one day like attending classes and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tutions
after these activities they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
energy to go outside for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
any physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer to stay home for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a easy".
easy
way for enjoyment. Due to this they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxed and enjoyed.
For instance
, a survey
was conducted
by newspaper of japan which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 73 % of high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
Did you mean "interested"?
interesting
in digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
due to their hectic schedule
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
always spend their time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they sit on one position for long period and no physical efforts
are done
by them then they face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues like weak eyesight and obesity resulting in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on their body. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplefy
, a renowned news channel found that half population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is struggling with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems by over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer
To conclude
, although computer
Possible spelling mistake found.
ge
provide various information
Possible spelling mistake found.
amoong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as it
Possible spelling mistake found.
empect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
children
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The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Children spent more time on computer games then sports. Give reason and it is positive or negetive development

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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