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Some businesses emphasis on their products are new. way this happen and this is a negative or a positive development

Some businesses emphasis on their products are new. way this happen and this is a negative or a positive development gAong
Confirming on being products new is a way which businesses use in their advertising. I think it is because of some reason. Although, it can have some positive impact, overally this is a negative progress. Businesses are interested in varying that their goods are modern for two reasons. Firstly, they can attract more customers to buy their products. This could result in increasing income of businesses. The second reason is that they attempt to compete with their rivals. This could put them among the best brands. Then they would make a well known goods This may make profit and increase the income because people usually are interested in purchasing the most famous brands. Thus Emphasis in being goods new could be because of economical aspects. Although, attract more costumers can be beneficial to make jobs economically stronger. It could have some drawback. Firstly other rivals might have the newest products and if people know this, they may think they are seduced, as a result people don't buy their goods. This could leed to decrease in business costumers. Then this can pose danger of being bankruptcy. Secondly, if their goods not be the most modern and people find in this can create negative social vision as a result people might don't trust salesman any more it could affect financial aspects too by losing costumers. To conclude, interested in saying products are modern is a way to businessmans to advertis. It could result in acquiring more costumers. But generally it might have negative impact on people attitude and being bankruptcy.
Confirming on being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
new is a way which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in their advertising. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason. Although, it can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact,
Possible spelling mistake found.
overally
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
progress.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Businesses
are interested
in varying that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are modern for two reasons.
Firstly
, they can attract more customers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in increasing income of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
. The second reason is that they attempt to compete with their rivals. This could put them among the best brands. Then they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a well known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
This may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profit and increase the income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
are interested
in purchasing the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
brands.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
Emphasis in being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
new could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of economical aspects.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, attract more costumers can be beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
jobs
economically
stronger. It could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawback.
Firstly
other rivals might have the newest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know this, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they
are seduced
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. This could
Possible spelling mistake found.
leed
to decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
costumers. Then this can pose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of being bankruptcy.
Secondly
, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
not be the most modern and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find in this can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
social vision as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might don't trust salesman
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
it could affect financial aspects too by losing costumers.
To conclude
, interested in saying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are modern is a way to
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "businessmen", the plural form of the noun 'businessman'?
businessmans
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertis
. It could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in acquiring more costumers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
generally
it might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attitude and being bankruptcy.
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Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some businesses emphasis on their products are new. way this happen and this is a negative or a positive development

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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