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Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v.9

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v. 9
Increasing violence in the movies has become a controversial issue these days. While some individuals consider that such violent scenes has given birth to grave social hazards. This essay intends to delve into the possible problems including crime and misleading teenagers as well as the steps that can be taken by the government to mitigate the situation. The major influence of the criminal activities which are telecasted is the increase of crime. Since whenever an individual watch these pictures, he gains plenty of knowledge about the ways to commit heinous crimes such as murder and mass killing along with petty crimes like theft, robbery and many more. For instance, a recent study reveals that teenagers are more likely to indulge in crime when they watch television for long duration. Therefore watching of excess action in films is negatively impacting the society especially the youngsters. The solution to this problem are not easy. First of all, our governing bodies should impose stringent laws to prevent the confrontation of too much action and censor board should be held responsible to cut unnecessary clips. Thus it is the onus of the government along with staff to investigate the movies before releasing. For example, recently, the Punjab government banned the release of a movie based of a gangster. To recapitulate, investigation of thrilling and adventurous scenes is the possible measure to control the adverse impacts. To conclude, although the exhibition of offences in the Bollywood movies has continuously enhanced and has created social havoc. In the above paragraphs, certain problems were discussed and solutions to tackle the whole procedure.
Increasing violence in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
has become a controversial issue these days.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals consider that such violent scenes has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth to grave social hazards. This essay intends to delve into the possible problems including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and misleading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as well
as the steps that can
be taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to mitigate the situation.

The major influence of the criminal activities which are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
is the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Since whenever an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these pictures, he gains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of knowledge about the ways to commit heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as murder and mass killing along with petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like theft, robbery and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
For instance
, a recent study reveals that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are more likely to indulge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television for long duration.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
watching of excess action in films is
negatively
impacting the society
especially
the youngsters.

The solution to this problem are not easy.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, our governing bodies should impose stringent laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the confrontation of too much action and censor board should
be held
responsible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
unnecessary clips.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is the onus of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
along with staff to investigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
releasing.
For example
, recently, the Punjab
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
banned the release of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
based of a gangster. To recapitulate, investigation of thrilling and adventurous scenes is the possible measure to control the adverse impacts.

To conclude
, although the exhibition of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
in the Bollywood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
has
continuously
enhanced and has created social havoc. In the above paragraphs, certain problems
were discussed
and solutions to tackle the whole procedure.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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