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Some people think news has no connection to people's lives so then it is a waste of time to read news paper and watch television news programs To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think news has no connection to people's lives so then it is a waste of time to read news paper and watch television news programs v. 2
In recent days, the magazine is becoming a major medium to get a news convenient. However, few people believe that there is a no connection between life of people and journal. That is why, people waste their time reading it and watch on television. I completely disagree with this statement. To begin with, people gain a knowledge about the incidence by a tabloid, which happened at worldwide and they aware of the some dangerous things. For example, one terrorists gone from the jail so, if any, people see him so, easily he catches by police because terrorists are dangerous for our nation and give harmful impact on the people. Furthermore, Students who have graduated from their University. So that, they easily find a job from the periodical. And apply to the given time period. In addition, the people get aware from the current situation and get information about what to do. For instance, in the recent days government of India announced a lockdown till 3 may because of the corona virus. Then, people get the news about when the lockdown open and the time period for that is increasing. Moreover, the share market is very important things for numerous people and they get some idea about which company they spend money. To conclude, news is directly connected with The person's life and it enhances the knowledge of the people. Also it is useful to get immediate news about the current affairs
In recent days, the magazine is becoming a major medium to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
convenient.
However
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there is a no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and journal.
That is
why,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste their time reading it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on television. I completely disagree with this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain a knowledge about the incidence by a tabloid, which happened at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
worldwide and
they aware of the
Did you mean "same"?
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
things.
For example
,
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one terrorist", "a terrorist", or simply "terrorists"?
one terrorists
gone from the jail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, if any,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
easily
he catches by police
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
terrorists are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for our nation and give harmful impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, Students who have graduated from their University.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, they
easily
find a job from the periodical. And apply to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period.

In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
aware from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about what to do.
For instance
, in the recent
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India announced a lockdown till 3 may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
. Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about when the lockdown open and the time period for
that is
increasing.

Moreover
, the share market is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things for numerous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
they spend money.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
directly
connected with

The person's life and it enhances the knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it is useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
affairs
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think news has no connection to people's lives so then it is a waste of time to read news paper and watch television news programs v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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