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Some people think the government should spend money on technology while the others think it should be for free education. Discuss both views and give your idea. v.1

Some people think the government should spend money on technology while the others think it should be for free education. v. 1
Despite of new technologies discovered in farming field, most of the persons around the globe are suffering from the starvation. This is mainly due to the surge in prices, all over the market. This essay will discuss the causes as well as the solution for this occurrence. To commence with, there are two main reasons of this problem. Firstly, the foremost cause of this issue is doing construction work on agricultural land, such as, making buildings and roads. Due to which, farmers are not being able to get more cultivation land. Moreover, another point of this problem is the soil pollution, which cause the land degradation. For example, in rural areas, most of the industries, dispose their chemical waste on land. This activity leads to a detrimental effect on productivity of farming land. On the other hand, there are some solutions to these issues, such as, banning industries as well as builders from rural areas. However, this approach would provide a pure environment to the crops. In addition, government should provide the good funds and low interest rate to the farmers. Which would help them to grow crops without stress. This would help to get rid peoples' from hunger by providing the vegetables and fruits on reasonable rate. To conclude, people suffering from hunger are increasing at an alarming rate, this should be stopped immediately by providing more benefits to the farmers. A reasonable pricing on food items would help people to feed their stomach, this approach will also provide more income to the farmers and their families.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
new technologies discovered in farming field, most of the persons around the globe are suffering from the starvation. This is
mainly
due to the surge in prices, all over the market.

This essay will discuss the causes
as well
as the solution for this occurrence.

To commence with, there are two main reasons of this problem.
Firstly
, the foremost cause of this issue is doing construction work on agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
, such as, making buildings and roads. Due to which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
are not being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more cultivation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
.
Moreover
, another point of this problem is the soil pollution, which cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
degradation.
For example
, in rural areas, most of the industries, dispose their chemical waste on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
. This activity leads to a detrimental effect on productivity of farming land.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to these issues, such as, banning industries
as well
as builders from rural areas.
However
, this approach would provide a pure environment to the crops.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
funds and low interest rate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to grow crops without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid peoples' from hunger by providing the vegetables and fruits on reasonable rate.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffering from hunger are increasing at an alarming rate, this should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
immediately by providing more benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
. A reasonable pricing on food items would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to feed their stomach, this approach will
also
provide more income to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
and their families.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people think the government should spend money on technology while the others think it should be for free education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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