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Some people think money is the best gift to give to teenagers others disagree to this. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think money is the best gift to give to teenagers others disagree to this. v. 1
It is often thought by some people that the best present to offer youngsters is cash, in my opinion I think there are other souvenirs such as bags, shoes and other items that can be given as rewards. On the one hand, while some people argued that the most appropriate gift for adolescents is money and I agree this is because sometimes, the individuals involved may come from such a poverty stricken background that they truly need the currency for survival. As a result, basic needs are met and such teens are happy. To illustrate this, there was a young child in my street who needed money to pay her school fees, the church helped her with some cash every semester and now she is a graduate. On the other hand, even though it is argued by some people that money is the most excellent gift that can be offered to teenagers, I believe that other items such as bags, shoes or beautiful dresses could be the best depending on the situation. More often than not, there is no amount of money that can be given to children from very rich background that they will appreciate but sometimes a beautiful present such as nice bags, shoes or dresses may come in handy. In addition, given money to teenagers may make them do what they are not supposed to do for instance, when given cash, a young boy can get into drugs and alcohols. In conclusion, even though some are of the opinion that hard currency is the most suitable reward to be presented to young adults, I think other souvenirs such as nice bags and wrist watch may be preferred by some teens.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the best present to offer youngsters is cash, in my opinion I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
souvenirs such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bags
, shoes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
items that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as rewards.

On the one hand, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that the most appropriate gift for adolescents is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, the individuals involved may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from such a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
poverty stricken
background that they
truly
need the currency for survival.
As a result
, basic needs
are met
and such teens are happy. To illustrate this, there was a young child in my street who needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to pay her school fees, the church
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
her with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cash every semester and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
she is a graduate.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
even though
it
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most excellent gift that can
be offered
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
items such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bags
, shoes or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
dresses could be the best depending on the situation. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, there is no amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to children from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rich background that they will appreciate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
present such as nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bags
, shoes or dresses may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in handy.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them do what they are not supposed to do
for instance
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
cash, a young boy can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into drugs and alcohols.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
currency is the most suitable reward to
be presented
to young adults, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
souvenirs such as nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bags
and wrist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
may
be preferred
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teens.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think money is the best gift to give to teenagers others disagree to this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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