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Some people believe that to be successful in a sport, natural ability is necessary while others think hard work and practice is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that to be successful in a sport, natural ability is necessary while others think hard work and practice is more important. v. 1
In recent times, people are becoming interested in sports activities in order to keep fit. Although certain individuals opine that natural abilities are more valued in a successful sports career; others belong to the school of thought that working hard and training is more vital. In my opinion, i believe that inborn talent is very essential for one to record success in sport. On the one hand, it is reasoned that original talents are more vital because it enables an individual to perform certain tasks faster, and i agree with this. In order words, they carry out this responsibility effortlessly within a given time. A case of point is Michael Mppape of Paris Saint-German, who is believed to be the fastest player currently. Additionally, natural expertise helps people to remain affluent in the sport even in old age. Ibrahimovic, for instance, is still performing well in his club. Hence, it is believed that success in sport is a product of inherent ability. On the other hand, certain persons argue that practice is the most essential because it develops an individual's tenacity and determination. In order words, constant training helps them to remain focus and maintain their vision for the prize. For instance, research conducted by the English Football Association shows that 70% of players that remain one-eyed throughout the duration of a match perform excellently. Hence, this clearly shows why it is argued that practice must be done regularly in order to be successful. To sum up, while some people believe that natural talent is more vital because it makes a player to be fast; others are of the opinion that working hard builds up determination in sportsmen. To become successful in sport, I think inborn skills is of greater value.
In recent times,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit. Although certain individuals opine that natural abilities are more valued in a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
career; others belong to the school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and training is more vital. In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that inborn talent is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for one to record success in sport.

On the one hand, it
is reasoned
that original talents are more vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it enables an individual to perform certain tasks faster, and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
words, they carry out this responsibility
effortlessly
within a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time. A case of point is Michael
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mppape
of Paris Saint-German, who
is believed
to be the fastest player
currently
.
Additionally
, natural expertise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to remain affluent in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
even in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ibrahimovic
,
for instance
, is
still
performing well in his club.
Hence
, it
is believed
that success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a product of inherent ability.

On the other hand
, certain persons argue that practice is the most essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it develops an individual's tenacity and determination. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
words, constant training
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to remain focus and maintain their vision for the prize.
For instance
, research conducted by the English Football Association
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 70% of players that remain one-eyed throughout the duration of a match perform
excellently
.
Hence
, this
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
why it
is argued
that practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
regularly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to be successful.

To sum up, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that natural talent is more vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a player to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
; others are of the opinion that working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
builds up determination in sportsmen. To become successful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
inborn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is of greater value.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that to be successful in a sport, natural ability is necessary while others think hard work and practice is more important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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