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Do you agree or disagree? Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they were nowadays. v.83

Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they were nowadays. v. 83
Right after finishing high school, teenagers often wonder whether they ought to continue their education or get a job. While many people believe that keeping on studying at a college or university will be the best way to guarantee a successful career, others claim that working straight after school is a better option. Start working straight after graduation is beneficial for several reasons. Firstly, young people will be able to start earning money as soon as possible while they are working. As a result, they will be live independently on their own income and mature enough when they income money. Secondly, a person who decides to look for a job rather than pursuing higher education is likely to have a chance to obtain a lot of real experience and practical skills. This may lead them to progress more quickly in their chosen profession. On the other hand, some people argue that it is more beneficial for young people to continue their studies after high school. Firstly, a college education prepares students to meet academic qualifications, which most employers require nowadays. Consequently, university graduates usually have opportunities to earn higher salaries than those without qualifications. For instance, the job market is becoming increasingly competitive since hundreds of applicants often chase one position in an organization. Having a degree is an obvious advantage that university graduates have. For example, In many countries, students who graduate with an engineering degree are highly paid and have an easy time getting a good job. In conclusion, it is true to say that both working straight after high school and continuing higher-level studies each has their own unique advantages.
Right after finishing high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
wonder whether they ought to continue their education or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that keeping on studying at a college or university will be the best way to guarantee a successful career, others claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a better option.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
straight after graduation is beneficial for several reasons.
Firstly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning money as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible while they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
As a result
, they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income and mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
when
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they income
money.
Secondly
, a person who decides to look for a job
rather
than pursuing higher education is likely to have a chance to obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
real experience and practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This may lead them to progress more
quickly
in their chosen profession.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it is more beneficial for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to continue their studies after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Firstly
, a college education prepares students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
academic qualifications, which most employers require nowadays.
Consequently
, university graduates
usually
have opportunities to earn higher salaries than those without qualifications.
For instance
, the job market is becoming
increasingly
competitive since hundreds of applicants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
chase one position in an organization. Having a degree is an obvious advantage that university graduates have.
For example
, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, students who graduate with an engineering degree are
highly
paid and have an easy time getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job.

In conclusion
, it is true to say that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
straight after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and continuing higher-level studies each has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique advantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they were nowadays. v. 83

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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