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Some people think it is better to stay in the same job all your working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think it is better to stay in the same job all your working life. brAKB
Some people say that the way you choose your job will decide your whole life and I agree with it. It also the reason why I belive that do a same job all your lifespan is a good idea. However, not thing is perfect so this idea can bring us many benefit but disadvantage too. In addition, get along with a job can bring you a high income and promotion. Let me give you an example, my dad is a person who do a same job for 30-year and at the age of 50, he succeed and became a director of his organization and had a very high salary. Not only had a high income, people who do a same job all their life have experience too, back to my example, the doctor whom I told about also have a huge numbers of patient and they coming to him because his experience and senior. Some people think that stay in the same job is very unflexible and can make people bored. I can understand that point but I think that if they have enough passion, they can not boring when doing that job. Another reason is if they change the job they will not have income and have to find a new job and bring they a unstable period. This could make people feel stress or even poverty if they can not find a job soon. In conclusion, I attend to do a same job all my life because it bring me high income and senior. Although, changing the job have benefit too, it have many risk and I am a person who prefer to staying in a safe zone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that the way you choose your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will decide your whole life and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it. It
also
the reason why
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
that do a same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
all your lifespan is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
However
, not thing is perfect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
us
Possible agreement error. The noun benefit seems to be countable; consider using: "many benefits".
many benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
disadvantage too.

In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
you a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and promotion.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me give you an example, my dad is a person who do a same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for 30-year and at the age of 50, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "succeeds", "succeeded".
succeed
and became a director of his organization and had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do a same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
all their life have experience too, back to my example, the doctor whom I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
about
also
have a huge
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "number"?
numbers
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
patient and
Did you mean "they're coming", "they are coming", or "they were coming"?
they coming
to him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his experience and senior.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that stay in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unflexible and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bored. I can understand that point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
passion, they can not
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "bore"
boring
when doing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Another reason is if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they will not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
they
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unstable period. This could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or even poverty if they can not find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

In conclusion
, I attend to do a same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
all my life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "brings"?
bring
me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and senior. Although, changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
have benefit too, it
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and I am a person who prefer to
Did you mean "stay"?
staying
in a safe zone.
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IELTS essay Some people think it is better to stay in the same job all your working life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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