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Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v.1

Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v. 1
There is mixed opinion about whether to grow up kids in cities or at countryside, this essay discusses benefits and drawbacks of both the aspects. However, cities have some more drawbacks than countryside which will be discussed in this essay. On the one hand, modernization has put people to think positive about growing their kids in city to get advanced education and medical facilities. Moreover, most of the industries are in city so getting jobs or internships is possible, which gives professional edge to students, which indeed can land a job for them, or even entrepreneurship ideas are possible. However, there are few downsides too such as pollution and noise also crowd, which leads to less peace of mind. Such lifestyle can generate lifestyle diseases. For example, because of fast life in city, there is high chance of one eating junk food and face pollution and get cancer which is injurious to health of growing kids. On the other hand, countryside has peace of mind, there is zero pollution and no crowd, no traffic problems and clear and fresh air. All these good points are lucrative for kids to have healthy life. Kids can be grown up with low cost in villages because required amenities such as place to stay and food items is cheaper in rural areas. However, there are disadvantages too, such as lack of quality of education, there are no industries so kids can not get professional touch. Another point to mention is medical facilities, such as modern facilities in hospitals will not be available readily. For example, many cases are seen to rush to city hospital to resolve the complexities in childbirth. To sum up both the lifestyles have merits and demerits, one should choose whatever is preferred for the sole benefit of health and opportunities. Countryside life is healthy whereas city life is having more opportunities.
There
is mixed
opinion about whether to grow up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
or at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
, this essay discusses benefits and drawbacks of both the aspects.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more drawbacks than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
which will
be discussed
in this essay.

On the one hand, modernization has put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
about growing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in city to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advanced education and medical facilities.
Moreover
, most of the industries are in city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
getting jobs or internships is possible, which gives professional edge to students, which
indeed
can land a job for them, or even entrepreneurship
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are possible.
However
, there are few downsides
Did you mean "to such"?
too such
as pollution and noise
also
crowd, which leads to less peace of mind. Such lifestyle can generate lifestyle diseases.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in city, there is high chance of one eating junk food and face pollution and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cancer which is injurious to health of growing kids.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
has peace of mind, there is zero pollution and no crowd, no traffic problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and fresh air. All these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
points are lucrative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to have healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
can
be grown
up with low cost in villages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
required amenities such as place to stay and food items is cheaper in rural areas.
However
, there are disadvantages too, such as lack of quality of education, there are no industries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
professional touch. Another point to mention is medical facilities, such as modern facilities in hospitals will not be available
readily
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to rush to city hospital to resolve the complexities in childbirth.

To sum up both the lifestyles have merits and demerits, one should choose whatever
is preferred
for the sole benefit of health and opportunities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is healthy whereas city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is having more opportunities.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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