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Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v.6

Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v. 6
Living in a rural area for children is considered as the best option by a group of people, while other believes in children’s overall development, city life provides the best opportunities overall. In my opinion, a city designed with a touch of the nature and more open space is the best place to raise the next generation. On the one hand, the countryside offers a unique touch of nature, a life with animals and different plants and flowers, provide a great environment for children to grow in their personal life. It allows them to understand and protect the nature. Besides this, they have more freedom and less worries for their security. Moreover, the open space allows them to play outside and live the life with every minor natural thing, whereas in the city life children are busy with the digital world such as excessive use of mobile phones and computers. On the other hand, the school education quality is not high compared to city standards, which makes negative aspect of kids’ abilities besides the school curriculum. However, schools in metropolitan areas offer the best education, which helps a kid in their adult life. Moreover, institutions give opportunity for extracurricular activities including all types of sports and art skills. Even if the school doesn’t provide one skill lessons, there are numerous alternate options are easily available to pursue the passion in the relevant field. Apart from this, due to competition, a child can learn different life skills and personality attributes. On the other hand, the security is less and children do not have open space to play outside. To sum up, I believe even though countryside provides great opportunity to raise children in the natural environment, city lifestyle makes children best capable for future endeavours and challenges. However, ideal city should be designed in such a way that everybody feel safe and have parks to get the essence of nature.
Living in a rural area for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is considered
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
option by a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, while other believes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
overall
development, city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
opportunities
overall
. In my opinion, a city designed with a touch of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
and more open space is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
place to raise the
next
generation.

On the one hand, the countryside offers a unique touch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with animals and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
plants and flowers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a great environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow in their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to understand and protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
.
Besides
this, they have more freedom and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun worries is countable.
less
worries for their security.
Moreover
, the open space
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to play outside and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with every minor natural thing, whereas in the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are busy with the digital world such as excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile phones and computers.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education quality is not high compared to city standards, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect of kids’ abilities
besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in metropolitan areas offer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
education, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a kid in their adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, institutions give opportunity for extracurricular activities including all types of sports and art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
doesn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
lessons, there are numerous alternate options are
easily
available to pursue the passion in the relevant field. Apart from this, due to competition, a child can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and personality attributes.
On the other hand
, the security is less and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have open space to play outside.

To sum up, I believe
even though
countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
great opportunity to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the natural environment, city lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
capable for future
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
and challenges.
However
, ideal city should
be designed
in such a way that everybody feel safe and have parks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the essence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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