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Some people think it is alright to spend money for their wants, such as a new car or the latest gadget. Others think it is better to save their money and only buy what they really need. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Give specific details and examples in your answer. v.2

Some people think it is alright to spend money for their wants, such as a new car or the latest gadget. Others think it is better to save their money and only buy what they really need. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Give specific details and examples in your answer. v. 2
When shopping, one of the biggest problems consumers have is whether they should save money for a better product, or purchase on their impulse. As we all being a normal human, we cannot have everything and sometimes, we should choose to save, or to use. Of the two choices given, I personally agree with the opinion stating about keeping cash. Firstly, when buying what you really want, you can have better and wiser choices. Just following the trend and buying goods every year, month or when a new collection arrives, there would be less time to think rationally, which would result in regrets. Additionally, these latest commodities are only popular because they are new. When time passes and fresh elements replace them, the item you bought will soon look old-fashioned, making you open your wallet to buy another modish object again. On the other hand, while sparing your budget for your materials, you might think if the object you’re trying to purchase is “essential” in your life. While taking a long time gathering coins, you would realize what articles are worth buying and what are not, leading to better utilization of funds. For example, I saved my income so that I could buy a dress which I really longed for, but ever since my money was ready I started to think about whether spending my dollars on buying this fancy clothes was really worth it or not - and I bought a pretty pouch instead which was much more necessary. Thus, since you tried so hard, you obviously wouldn’t want your piggy bank to be used unwisely, leading you to do more research on items that are “essential” with low cost. Furthermore, buying what one longed for brings great pleasure and delight. Rather than just purchasing the latest product with little effort and less thinking, there are a higher percentage of the buyers regretting their choices. However, when lots of effort and thinking combines with lots of wealth, a person will really feel like they’ve been awarded for their hardships and that feeling of achievement will enable them to work and save even harder. My own experience is a very good example of this opinion. I got all A’s in all subjects, and I gifted myself an expensive wallet, which I always dreamt and stored my budget for. This feeling of receiving was so good that it encouraged me to work even harder and try to get all A*s in all exams. Therefore, after a long wait when one receives the desire - it is worth a lot more than winning a prize which would result in greater deal of motivation towards a better performance. To conclude, due to the above mentioned reasons of overflowing joy and sagacious outcome, it is wise to say that saving yields better outcomes over impulsive buying.
When shopping, one of the biggest problems consumers have is whether they should save money for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
product, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
on their impulse. As we all being a normal human, we cannot have everything and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, we should choose to save, or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. Of the two choices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion stating about keeping cash.

Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
what you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
want, you can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and wiser choices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
following the trend and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
every year, month or when a new collection arrives, there would be less time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
rationally
, which would result in regrets.
Additionally
, these latest commodities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are new. When time passes and fresh elements replace them, the item you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned, making you open your wallet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
another modish object again.
On the other hand
, while sparing your budget for your materials, you might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if the object you’re trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
is “essential” in your life. While taking a long time gathering coins, you would realize what articles are worth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
and what are not, leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
utilization of funds.
For example
, I saved my income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a dress which I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
longed for,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ever since my money was ready I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about whether spending my dollars on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
this fancy clothes was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
worth it or not
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a pretty pouch
instead
which was much more necessary.
Thus
, since you tried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, you
obviously
wouldn’t want your piggy bank to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
unwisely
, leading you to do more research on items that are “essential” with low cost.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
what one longed for brings great pleasure and delight.
Rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
purchasing the latest product with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effort and less thinking, there are a higher percentage of the buyers regretting their choices.
However
, when lots of effort and thinking combines with lots of wealth, a person will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
feel like they’ve
been awarded
for their hardships and that feeling of achievement will enable them to work and save even harder. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this opinion. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
all A’s in all subjects, and I gifted myself an expensive wallet, which I always dreamt and stored my budget for. This feeling of receiving was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that it encouraged me to work even harder and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all
Replace by the typographical symbol.
A*s
in all exams.
Therefore
, after a long wait when one receives the desire
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
it is worth a lot more than winning a prize which would result in greater deal of motivation towards a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
performance.

To conclude
, due to the above mentioned reasons of overflowing joy and sagacious outcome, it is wise to say that saving yields
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
outcomes over impulsive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is alright to spend money for their wants, such as a new car or the latest gadget. Others think it is better to save their money and only buy what they really need. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Give specific details and examples in your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
472 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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