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Some people think is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v.1

Some people think is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v. 1
In the modern world, parenthood has become a discussed topic. Some people believes that raise a child in the city is better, although others believes that the rural areas is more appropriate. In the essay below I will further explain this topic. Some people believe that grow up in the city is better. There are some advantages in raise a child in the city. First, in the city families has access to modern hospitals, medical specialist, high level of schools, entertainment, huge librarians, modern playgrounds, many options of daycare. Second, in the city, due the accessibility of all those facilities cited above, people feel safer to raise their children, because they know that all needs can be easily met. In contrast, some studies shows that living in the city triggers some issues like long hours of commute or some psychological disorders such as, stress and anxiety. On the other hand, there are some people nowadays that, when they have their kids, they change their minds and move to countryside. There are some pros in living in the countryside. For instance, families spend more time together once they do not have long hours of commute. In addition people are able to plant their own food without conservatives, preservatives or any others kind of toxins that is harmful for our healthy. Moreover, in the countryside the whole family need to work together for long hours and this make the time they spend together increase also they develop a skill to work as a team. Contrarily, people in the countryside has less accessibility to some services like modern hospitals or high level schools. This essay discussed about the advantages and disadvantages of raising a child in the city and in the rural areas. To conclude, despite living in the city has many conveniences, living in the countryside promotes some benefits that you would not be able to obtain in the city.
In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world, parenthood has become a discussed topic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that raise a child in the city is better, although others believes that the rural areas is more appropriate. In the essay below I will
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this topic.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that grow up in the city is better. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages in raise a child in the city.
First
, in the city families has access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
hospitals, medical specialist, high level of schools, entertainment, huge librarians,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
playgrounds,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options of daycare. Second, in the city, due the accessibility of all those facilities cited above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel safer to raise their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know that all needs can be
easily
met.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the city triggers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues like long hours of commute or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychological disorders such as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays that, when they have their kids, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their minds and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pros in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
.
For instance
, families spend more time together once they do not have long hours of commute. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to plant their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
food without conservatives, preservatives or any
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "others'" or "other's"?
others
kind of toxins
that is
harmful for our healthy.
Moreover
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
the whole family need to work together for long hours and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the time they spend together increase
also
they develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to work as a team.
Contrarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
has less accessibility to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
services like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
hospitals or high level schools.

This essay
Did you mean simply "discussed the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussed about the
advantages and disadvantages of raising a child in the city and in the rural areas.
To conclude
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the city has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conveniences,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
promotes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits that you would not be able to obtain in the city.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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