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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v.6

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6
People need to spend money to get entrance into many museums, whether others are free of cost. This essay will discuss how the advantages of the fact dominate the disadvantages of the same. First of all, there are few museums which allow its visitors a free entry regarding the fact that, knowledge should be open to all. Moreover, people can also visit the Museum willingly who cannot afford money to buy tickets and thus could be benefited. For example, those who are interested in archaeology, can visit the Paharpur Museum which provides free entrance. On the other hand, most of the museums secure its collections by restricting the unwanted visitors who could do harm rather than acquiring information. It is obvious that, when any Museum allows free visit, random people should approach there and the learning environment could be damaged. Additionally, every Museum spends a heavy amount of money for maintenance which can be collected fully or partially from the payments which are paid by the comers. For example, people have to pay a certain amount of money to visit the national Museum of Bangladesh from which the authority spends a particular amount for their maintenance. So, from my opinion, charging people for admission to museums has severe advantages than disadvantages. People those who are really interested in any things found in Museum, should also manage to get in. Not only that but also people would like to keep their interests and visit the whole place as they spent for it. Finally, the authority could be able to serve a secure environment to seek wisdom.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entrance into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, whether others are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
of cost. This essay will discuss how the advantages of the fact dominate the disadvantages of the same.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
its visitors a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
entry regarding the fact that, knowledge should be open to all.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
willingly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tickets and
thus
could
be benefited
.
For example
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are interested
in archaeology, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Paharpur
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
which provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
entrance.

On the other hand
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
secure its collections by restricting the unwanted visitors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
could do harm
rather
than acquiring information. It is obvious that, when any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
, random
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should approach there and the learning environment could
be damaged
.
Additionally
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
spends a heavy amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for maintenance which can
be collected
fully
or
partially
from the payments which
are paid
by the comers.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
of Bangladesh from which the authority spends a particular amount for their maintenance.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, from my opinion, charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for admission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
has severe advantages than disadvantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
really
interested in any things found in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
, should
also
manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their interests and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the whole place as they spent for it.
Finally
, the authority could be able to serve a secure environment to seek wisdom.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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