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Some people think happiness is only caused by financial success, other thinks that there are other factors involved in happiness. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

People have a different approaches regarding a happy life. While some people believe that happiness is only caused by financial status, others believe that there are other aspects which determine the level of happiness. I believe that money cannot be the main reason for happy life. In this essay, I will discuss both the view points. People who believe that personal well being have direct connection with economic success have some important points. To begin with, basic necessities must be met in order to live a happy life. These basic necessities can only be brought through money. For instance, food, clothes and shelter can only brought through money. Furthermore, fulfillment of basic need may not give long term satisfaction to people, they like to do more activites such as travelling, eat as well as adventure sports etc and no doubt money is required for such things. However, despite of money, status and comfort people are not happy in their life and there are some other factors involved in that. Firstly, in order to live a happy life one’s personal relationship must be smooth as well as with the society. Nowadays, it is found that people do not have good relation with their family member and are ignored everywhere. Even if an individual have enough money or financial success in their life, they are still not living a happy life. To sum up, money plays a vital role in personal happiness but there are other factors like relation, respect in society which cannot be ignored for getting happiness.
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People
have a
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different
approaches regarding a
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happy
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life
. While
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some
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people
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believe
that
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happiness
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
caused by financial status, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects which determine the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot be the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In this essay, I will discuss both the view points.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that personal
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
well being
have direct connection with economic success have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
points. To
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begin
with,
Consider using “necessities”.
basic necessities
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must
be met
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
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happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. These
Consider using “necessities”.
basic necessities
can
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only
be brought
through
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money
.
For instance
, food, clothes and shelter can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The modal verb ‘can’ requires the verb’s base form.
brought
through
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money
.
Furthermore
, fulfillment of basic need may not give long term satisfaction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they like to do more
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
such as travelling, eat
as well
as adventure sports etc and no doubt
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money
is required
for such things.

However
,
Did you mean “despite” (or, alternatively, ‘in spite of’)?
despite of
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money
, status and comfort
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors involved in that.
Firstly
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
one’s personal relationship
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be smooth
as well
as with the society. Nowadays, it
is found
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relation with their family member and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
everywhere. Even if an individual have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or financial success in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they are
still
not living a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
life.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays a vital role in personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors like relation, respect in society which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
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IELTS essay Some people think happiness is only caused by financial success, other thinks that there are other factors involved in happiness.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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