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Some people think government should ban dangerous sports and some others think it is a freedom to choose the activities we want to. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think government should ban dangerous sports and some others think it is a freedom to choose the activities we want to. weMkm
Sports play an import role in individual lives. One school of thought avers, “ risky sports should be demolished”, while others do not concur with the statement. Does every sport have danger? I will delve deeper to explain the views along with the example. At the outset, danger can be occurred in any sports as it does not have any particular position or place. To illustrate, cricket is considered a famous game all around the world, but a lot of players got injured while playing. A report by ‘The Times of India’ has revealed that every year hundred plus players suffered from critical injury in domestic and international matches. Furthermore, in these sports participants have to do numerous exercises to remain fit, and these musings make them internally so strong that they can recover themselves from common flues. Apart from this, proper equipment is worn while playing these games so if any incident occurs, players do not get much harms. On the other hand side, when dangerous sports are watched by children they play them at home without wearing any equipment. The consequence is, children got serious injury. To make it more precise, a report by ‘The Hindu’ has revealed that, more than 25% children got injured while playing hazarded sports at home. Last but not least, players, who become proverbial from these games, have adverse effects on the young generations, because their followers also participate in such games, and face the music. To conclude, although there could be a dangerous in these games, a panel should be created who keep surveillance that whether proper sport kit is used or not.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
play an import role in individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. One school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
avers,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be demolished
”, while others do not concur with the statement. Does every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
? I will delve deeper to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the views along with the example.

At the outset,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
can
be occurred
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as it does not have any particular position or place. To illustrate, cricket
is considered
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
game all around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
injured while playing. A report by ‘The Times of India’ has revealed that every year
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
plus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
suffered from critical injury in domestic and international matches.
Furthermore
, in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
participants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do numerous exercises to remain fit, and these musings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
internally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strong that they can recover themselves from common flues. Apart from this, proper equipment
is worn
while playing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if any incident occurs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
harms.

On the other hand
side, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by children they play them at home without wearing any equipment. The consequence is, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
serious injury. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more precise, a report by ‘The Hindu’ has revealed that, more than 25% children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
injured while playing hazarded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at home. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, who become proverbial from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, have adverse effects on the young generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their followers
also
participate in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and face the music.

To conclude
, although there could be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, a panel should
be created
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
surveillance that whether proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
kit is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
or not.
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IELTS essay Some people think government should ban dangerous sports and some others think it is a freedom to choose the activities we want to.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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