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Some people think exposure to modern technology at an earlier age is good for children, while others claim that it is harmful for their development. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think exposure to modern technology at an earlier age is good for children, while others claim that it is harmful for their development. v. 1
Over the past few decades, technology has completely changed virtually every aspect in the development of human society. One of the differences that have been most noticeable is the change in the way that children use technological devices at a very young age compared to previous generations. It is argued by some people that early exposure to advances in technology is beneficial for children’s growth while others reckon that it has a detrimental impact on children. This essay will elaborate on both positive and negative effects of being exposed modern technology at such a young age. On the other hand, the emergence of modern technological devices causes several potentially harmful effects on children’s health and attention span. First and foremost, children become less physically active due to excessive time spent for advanced technology, putting themselves at greater risk of obesity and mental disorders. A four-year study examining children’s habits of using digital devices by the University of Hong Kong found that the risk of being overweight increased by 19. 4 percent when children were heavily reliant on technical equipment. What is more, for children who spent an extra hour a day playing games on computers, tablets or other electronic devices, the risk of developing emotional problems increased by 23. 2 percent (Naomi, 2017). As a result, early exposure to technological innovations could lead to deterioration in children’s health. Secondly, children are incapable of having an intense concentration for long periods of time if they are frequently exposed to the technology from a very young age. A recent report in the New York Times by Matt Richtel who interviewed teachers regarding a correlation between student’s attention spans and technology, pointed that the students’ constant use of digital technology is hampering their attention spans. Furthermore, a Pew Internet survey of nearly 2, 500 teachers found that 87% believe new technologies are creating an easily distracted young generation with short attention spans (Ellen, 2014). Two studies on teachers' views on the impact of digital media on children's learning prove conclusively that young children do have relatively short attention spans by approaching to the modern technology. On the other hand, it is no doubt true that the invention of technological devices has brought some multifarious benefits of children's comprehensive development. In this technology-driven society, most early childhood educators see the technology as a valuable activity centre for learning. Research by Haugland (1992) has shown that 3-and 4-year-old children who use the computer with supporting activities that reinforce the major objectives of the learning programs have significantly greater developmental gains when compared to children without computer experiences in similar classrooms. The merits of providing computers to kindergarten and primary-grade children are considerable when it comes to fostering children’s intellect, including improved motor skills, enhanced mathematical thinking, increased creativity, higher scores on tests of critical thinking and problem solving (Nastasi & Clements, 1994). Equally importantly, children’s interest will be stimulated thanks to the advanced technology since technology presents a wonderful opportunity to reshape 21st-century education. Recent research in the US has indicated that the introduction of technology makes 87% of students more likely to attend class and 72% of them more likely to participate. The other study by Smoothwall found that 96% of teachers believe technology has had a positive impact on the way children participate and learn in lessons. To put it in a nutshell, despite some potential dangers of technologically operated devices to the children’s health and attention span, it appears that these inventions are much more beneficial to the young generation in terms of effective learning tools and intellectual stimulation. From my point of view, the early exposure to advances in technology should be encouraged by taking precautions of overuse such inventions to avoid adverse effects for children’s development.
Over the past few decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
virtually
every aspect in the development of human society. One of the differences that have been most noticeable is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age compared to previous generations. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
exposure to advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth while others reckon that it has a detrimental impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay will elaborate on both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
being exposed
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
at such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the emergence of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
causes several
potentially
harmful effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
span
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become less
physically
active due to excessive time spent for advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, putting themselves at greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity and mental disorders. A four-year study examining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
habits of using digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
by the University of Hong Kong found that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being overweight increased by 19. 4 percent when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were
heavily
reliant on technical equipment.
What is more
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spent an extra hour a day playing games on computers, tablets or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing emotional problems increased by 23. 2 percent (Naomi, 2017).
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
innovations could lead to deterioration in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are incapable of having an intense concentration for long periods of time if they are
frequently
exposed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age. A recent report in the New York Times by Matt
Possible spelling mistake found.
Richtel
who interviewed teachers regarding a correlation between student’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spans
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, pointed that the students’ constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is hampering their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spans
.
Furthermore
, a Pew Internet survey of
nearly
2, 500 teachers found that 87% believe new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are creating an
easily
distracted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation with short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spans
(Ellen, 2014). Two studies on teachers' views on the impact of digital media on children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to prove"
prove
conclusively
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do have
relatively
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spans
by approaching to the modern technology.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is no doubt true that the invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
multifarious benefits of children's comprehensive development. In this technology-driven society, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood educators
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as a valuable activity
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. Research by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Haugland
(1992) has shown that 3-and 4-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the computer with supporting activities that reinforce the major objectives of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
programs have
significantly
greater developmental gains when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without computer experiences in similar classrooms. The merits of providing computers to kindergarten and primary-grade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are considerable when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to fostering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
intellect, including
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, enhanced mathematical thinking, increased creativity, higher scores on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
of critical thinking and problem solving (
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nastasi
& Clements, 1994).

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Equally
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
interest will
be stimulated
thanks to the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
presents a wonderful opportunity to reshape 21st-century education. Recent research in the US has indicated that the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
87% of students more likely to attend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and 72% of them more likely to participate. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
study by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Smoothwall
found that 96% of teachers believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participate and learn in lessons.

To put it in a nutshell, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
technologically
operated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
span
, it appears that these inventions are much more beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation in terms of effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
tools and intellectual stimulation. From my point of view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
exposure to advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
should
be encouraged
by taking precautions of overuse such inventions to avoid adverse effects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
73Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think exposure to modern technology at an earlier age is good for children, while others claim that it is harmful for their development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
626 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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