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Some people think competitive sports, such as football, are valuable because they can gather people with different ages and culture together. Some think it can cause problems because people are from different groups and countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think competitive sports, such as football, are valuable because they can gather people with different ages and culture together. Some think it can cause problems because people are from different groups and countries. v. 1
It is often argued by some that physical activities like cricket, hockey are beneficial as they can unite people irrespective of their ages and traditions, while others believe that it will create issues because of the populace from different nations and teams. Whilst a discussion of both these views is worthwhile, I am a supporter of the former view. On the one hand, competing with other teams or countries in games will aid to develop a healthy relationship with them. In other words, people participating in the competition or sports help them to interact and play with other groups which will enhance the team spirit between then. For example, football is played as a team game which brings priceless competition between two or more countries and build bonding with the team and its culture. In my opinion, I believe organising such events in the country will help to maintain the connection and treasure the talents of the groups. On the other hand, according to some opposing the rivals will cause menace to the society as wel as the groups by ending up the competition in to fight between two countries. That is to say that instead of treating the games as a recreational activity they will turn in to a war between the nations. For instance, Cricket is played in most of the countries, but when India and Pakistan play the match it will become war between them rather than considering it as a game. However, I do not support this notiion because team play will bring the talents of the people and their coordination which will connect the nation rather than creating the problems. In conclusion, although it is believed by some that competitive sports will create fight between two countries, I reiterate that it will improve the network and value their culture and capability of handling the activity.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that physical activities like cricket, hockey are beneficial as they can unite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
irrespective of their ages and traditions, while others believe that it will create issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the populace from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
. Whilst a discussion of both these views is worthwhile, I am a supporter of the former view.

On the one hand, competing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will aid to develop a healthy relationship with them. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
participating in the competition or sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to interact and play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
groups which will enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
spirit between then.
For example
, football
is played
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
game which brings priceless competition between two or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and build bonding with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and its culture. In my opinion, I believe
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain the connection and treasure the talents of the groups.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opposing the rivals will cause menace to the society as
Possible spelling mistake found.
wel
as the groups by ending up the competition in to fight between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
That is
to say that
instead
of treating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as a recreational activity they will turn in to a war between the nations.
For instance
, Cricket
is played
in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when India and Pakistan play the match it will become war between them
rather
than considering it as a game.
However
, I do not support this
Possible spelling mistake found.
notiion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
play will bring the talents of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and their coordination which will connect the nation
rather
than creating the problems.

In conclusion
, although it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that competitive sports will create fight between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, I reiterate that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the network and value their culture and capability of handling the activity.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think competitive sports, such as football, are valuable because they can gather people with different ages and culture together. Some think it can cause problems because people are from different groups and countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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