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Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. aAGXw
It is true that there are conflicting view about children can be free to be make errors, while some people believe that the kids ought to be avoid this under control of the olders. In my opinion, after meeting wrongs, children can learn effective lessons through this position. On the one hand, adults prevent kids from making mistakes can be easy to understand. First, they want to protect the children, moreover, some people think that if the youngsters get wrong, they will become crimes in the future. For instance, most parents do not allow their children go to school, because of school violence. They afraid that if their kids play with wrong friends, they will become bad persons. However they do not think about help their youngsters look about their behaviors and change their life. Second, some parents like to control their kids’s life, they want the children follow their rules and can’t make errors because they think children do not have experiences like them to avoid bad things. On the other hand, every one can’t be perfect to never make mistakes, so youngsters should have the freedom to get wrong. And after that, they can study many things by themselves like: experiences, knowledge, … They will protect themselves and grow up without parents or the old, some children do not have relatives but they are also become good person in the future. People who know their errors and avoid it will have more promotion at work. In recent years, life change much more than the past, so parents and kids live in two generations, so the mistakes in each time are different. So, instead of control the children behaviors, giving suggestion and advices can make the relationship become closer and closer. In conclusion, although parents prevent children from making errors are good for them, get trouble and overcome by themselves will get more advantages for both of them.
It is true that there are conflicting view about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be free to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
errors
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
ought to be
Consider using a past participle here: "avoided".
avoid
this under control of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
olders
. In my opinion, after meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrongs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn effective lessons through this position.

On the one hand, adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
from making mistakes can be easy to understand.
First
, they want to protect the
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children
,
moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if the youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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wrong
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
crimes in the future.
For instance
, most
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parents
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go to school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of school violence. They afraid that if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
friends, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
persons.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their youngsters look about their behaviors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
like to control their
Did you mean "kid’s" or "kids’"?
kids’s
life, they want the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
follow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and can’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
errors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have experiences like them to avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things.

On the other hand
, every one can’t be perfect to never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
mistakes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
youngsters should have the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
. And after that, they can study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things by themselves like: experiences, knowledge, … They will protect themselves and grow up without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have relatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person in the future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
errors
and avoid it will have more promotion at work. In recent years, life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
much more than the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in two generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the mistakes in each time are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
instead
of control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
behaviors, giving suggestion and advices can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the relationship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
closer and closer.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
errors
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trouble and overcome by themselves will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more advantages for both of them.
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IELTS essay Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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