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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. To what extent do you agree?

Crime is unquestionably prevailing in our society. Prisoners are punished hard to commit a crime. However, few people believe that defaulters should be involved in unpaid community services despite locking them in jails. I partially accord to this viewpoint and provide reasons for holding this opinion. To commence with, sometimes people do crimes due to unfavorable circumstances but get caught and face severe punishments. I reckon that it is cruel. Judges should enquire about the reasons for committing. They should be admitted to community services as it will help them to improve the mistakes. For instance, a person who do small theft only once just to satisfy his/her hunger. Instead of putting in prison, jury must involve him/her in some selfless society services or give an opportunity to improve deeds. Furthermore, I think services like taking care of old people or cleaning up public buildings can actually benefit a criminal to get change. On the contrary, it is believed that when an individual is forgiven once, there is a possibility that he/she would do it again. So hard punishments will teach them a lesson. We cannot forgive a drug smuggler and a gangster who keep on repeating the crimes rather they should be sent to prisons. Who knows if their mind set change or not after getting involved in community works. Therefore, overlooking such deeds that could harm someone is not right. To sum, I think community services are helpful in certain cases only. Government should introduce ways that could help wrongdoers to ameliorate their mistakes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
is
unquestionably
prevailing in our society. Prisoners
are punished
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
However
, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that defaulters should
be involved
in unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
despite locking them in jails. I
partially
accord to this viewpoint and provide reasons for holding this opinion.

To commence with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
due to unfavorable circumstances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught and face severe punishments. I reckon that it is cruel. Judges should
Possible spelling mistake. ‘enquire’ is British English.
enquire
about the reasons for committing. They should
be admitted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the mistakes.
For instance
, a person who do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
theft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
once
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to satisfy his/her hunger.
Instead
of putting in prison, jury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
involve him/her in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
selfless society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
or give an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
deeds.
Furthermore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
like taking care of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or cleaning up public buildings can actually benefit a criminal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

On the contrary
, it
is believed
that when an individual
is forgiven
once, there is a possibility that he/she would do it again.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
punishments will teach them a lesson. We cannot forgive a drug smuggler and a gangster who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on repeating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
rather
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to prisons. Who knows if their mind set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
or not after getting involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works.
Therefore
, overlooking such deeds that could harm someone is not right.

To sum, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are helpful in certain cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should introduce ways that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
wrongdoers to ameliorate their mistakes.
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IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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