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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people believe that music helps to bring individuals from diverse background and ages closer. I totally agree with this statement as music has an ability to bring harmony among the people and not only this it also helps to connect people from different backgrounds and age groups. Musical notes produce a pleasing effect in the mind and the soul of human beings which in return helps to improve the relations between the nations and people. For example a study done in the year 2020 that music can render the relationships between individuals. Therefore music act as powerful weapon to bring harmony and peace among the countries and individuals. Music helps to create a connection between people even though they belong to different age groups and backgrounds. Provided that music notes and rhythm has a ability to play with people’s emotions no matter which language they speak and write this builds up an emotions like sad, happy and many more through which people feel connection between them. For example a research done by the professor of Harword University says 50 percent of people listen to music whose language they don’t understand. This often builds connection among people. To conclude musical notes and rhythm has a power to bring individuals from different generations and backgrounds together. This essay gave a reasons how music improves relationships among people and how people share same vibe with one another.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believe that
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music
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helps
to
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bring
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individuals
from diverse
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background
and ages closer. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as
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music
has an ability to
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bring
harmony among the
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people
and not
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only
this it
also
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helps
to connect
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people
from
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different
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backgrounds
and age groups. Musical notes produce a pleasing effect in the mind and the soul of human beings which in return
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helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the relations between the nations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
a study done in the year 2020 that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can render the relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
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music
act as powerful weapon to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
harmony and peace among the countries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
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Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
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people
even though
they belong to
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different
age groups and
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backgrounds
. Provided that
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music
notes and rhythm has
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
ability to play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
emotions no matter which language they speak and write this builds up
The plural noun “emotions” cannot be used with the article “an”. Did you mean “an emotion” or “emotions”?
an emotions
like sad, happy and
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many
more through which
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people
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
them.
For example
a research done by the professor of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Harword
University says 50 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
whose language they don’t understand. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
builds connection among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
To conclude
musical notes and rhythm has a power to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
generations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
together. This essay gave
The plural noun “reasons” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a reason” or “reasons”?
a reasons
how
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music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
relationships among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
share same vibe with one another.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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