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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree?

It is believed by many that unpaid voluntary work for the community is a better punishment for some prisoners than imprisonment. I completely agree with this opinion, however, and will explain how this type of punishment can improve an offender’s life and society as a whole. Some people are of the opinion that every offenders should get imprisonment for strict rehabilitation process. Harsh experience is needed for those who have committed a crime whether it is big or small. Otherwise, the offenders will repeat this crime as they would be sure about the consequences which would not affect them much. As a result, many people in the society get involved with petty crime as a repercussion of a seemingly mild punishment. Thus, offenders may need to be put behind bars regardless of their level of crime as an example to other people in the society. However, voluntary work in the local neighbourhood as a punishment will be better rehabilitation for some offenders. Firstly, different punishment should be assigned to different offenders based on their respective crimes and age. For example, if a teenager gets imprisonment for his offence, there is a higher chance of him getting into a bigger trouble as he will be in touch with more serious prisoners than him. As a result, he can be misled and eventually become a serious offender. What is more, voluntary community work will give the offenders a new perspective towards life as he will be given chance to help others. Therefore, it is entirely justified that community work should be given as a punishment instead of setting him up for a sour future as imprisonment would be a deterrent to his recuperation. In conclusion, rehabilitation process is of paramount importance in terms of giving punishment to offenders. While some people are in favours of imprisonment as a punishment for all offenders, I believe it is absolutely imperative that their punishment is justified with their level of crime and age.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that unpaid voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the community is a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prisoners than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imprisonment
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion,
however
, and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender’s
life and society as a whole.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “offender”?
offenders
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imprisonment
for strict rehabilitation process. Harsh experience
is needed
for those who have committed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
whether it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
.
Otherwise
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
will repeat this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as they would be sure about the consequences which would not affect them much.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved with petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as a repercussion of a
seemingly
mild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
may need to
be put
behind bars regardless of their level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
as an example to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society.

However
, voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the local
Possible spelling mistake. ‘neighbourhood’ is British English.
neighbourhood
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
will be better rehabilitation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should
be assigned
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
based on their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and age.
For example
, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imprisonment
for his
Possible spelling mistake. ‘offence’ is British English.
offence
, there is a higher chance of him getting into a bigger trouble as he will be in touch with more serious prisoners than him.
As a result
, he can
be misled
and
eventually
become a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
.
What is more
, voluntary community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
a new perspective towards life as he will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others.
Therefore
, it is
entirely
justified that community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
instead
of setting him up for a sour future as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imprisonment
would be a deterrent to his recuperation.

In conclusion
, rehabilitation process is of paramount importance in terms of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favours’ is British English.
favours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imprisonment
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
, I believe it is
absolutely
imperative that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is justified
with their level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and age.
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IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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