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Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v.16

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 16
Crimes in many countries have gone beyond the alarming rate and it is a common practice to put convicted people behind bars. A segment of society opines that not all crimes are equal and repercussion of harsh sentence for all offences is uncivilised. They outline the need for unpaid community service as punishments for mild-offenders and youngsters. I believe that certain offenders should be given non-custodial sentences. The predominant reason for me to believe that unpaid community services like cleaning streets, planting trees, and working for charity instead of prison is that many offenders are not born-criminals and the circumstance often incite them to commit a felony. Besides, when such unpremeditated convicts are expelled from society, they incline to re-offend in isolation as there is none to accept them. Apart from this, juvenile delinquents should be rehabilitated by indulging them in community services. On the contrary, brutal offenders who commit heinous crimes like premeditated murder, vandalism, abduction, hijacking, rapes and so on should be punished to set examples in society. Thus, the background of a criminal and the motif of a crime should be considered. For instance, if a teenager steals food from a store as his mother is starving is a completely different scenario than someone robbing an old lady. The former deserves a second chance while the latter should be imprisoned. To recapitulate, someone with no previous record of crime and a sensible reason for minor misconduct should be treated differently than a serial killer. The objective of the law is to maintain peace in the society, not to punish people. Thus unpaid community service is a great option to let some convicted lament for their crime.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have gone beyond the alarming rate and it is a common practice to put convicted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
behind bars. A segment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
opines that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are equal and repercussion of harsh sentence for all
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'uncivilised' is British English.
uncivilised
. They outline the need for unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service as punishments for mild-offenders and youngsters. I believe that certain offenders should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
non-custodial sentences.

The predominant reason for me to believe that unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
services like cleaning streets, planting trees, and working for charity
instead
of prison is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offenders are not born-criminals and the circumstance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
incite them to commit a felony.
Besides
, when such unpremeditated convicts
are expelled
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, they incline to re-offend in isolation as there is none to accept them. Apart from this, juvenile delinquents should
be rehabilitated
by indulging them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
services.

On the contrary
, brutal offenders who commit heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like premeditated murder, vandalism, abduction, hijacking, rapes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on should
be punished
to set examples in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Thus
, the background of a criminal and the motif of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should
be considered
.
For instance
, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
steals food from a store as his mother is starving is a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
scenario than someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "robs", "robbed".
robbing
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
lady. The former deserves a second chance while the latter should
be imprisoned
.

To recapitulate, someone with no previous record of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and a sensible reason for minor misconduct should
be treated
Use "(differently)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
differently
than a serial killer. The objective of the law is to maintain peace in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, not to punish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service is a great option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
convicted lament for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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