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Some people think cellphone and computers for communication have negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skill. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

Some people think cellphone and computers for communication have negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skill. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage? RWPek
In modern society, making a phone call or sending an email is common to contact with others. Numerous individuals argued that social intercourse in digital ways may impact on young persons’ reading and writing skills negatively. While it is convenience to read and write via the internet, I personally think it will decrease the reading and writing proficiency of the young due to a lack of attention. The younger generation can contact with others whenever online at a low cost, which makes them trend to read and write constantly. It is generally seen that youngsters these days have installed applications such as Facebook in their cellphones and laptops to show their lives and make comments, any time anywhere. For example, those social media made it easy to watch the fashion week in Paris and it's even possible to virtually participate by giving feedbacks. However, reading and writing skills may not be improved by this way. Regardless, swiping up and down or clicking aimlessly on the screen lead to distraction. As the messages from the internet are always eyes-grasping and high-frequency, youths usually get confused when they are surrounded by these waves of information, which can deprive them of concentrations. Take Twitter for instance, almost everyone on that platform is busy in the race to click on from one hotpot to another, leaving behind their capabilities to focus on one deep event. By contrast, the young need to keep themselves concentred if they really want to master their reading and writing skills rather than browse news and write comments roughly. Hence, social contact via the internet is not a good idea for these youngsters who are lack of self-disciplined. In conclusion, even thought cellphone and computers facilitate communication, I believe that these devices can adversely affect teenagers' skills of reading and writing due to distraction from the internet.
In modern society, making a phone call or sending an email is common to contact with others. Numerous individuals argued that social intercourse in digital ways may impact on young persons’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
negatively
. While it is convenience to read and write via the internet, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
proficiency of the young due to a lack of attention.

The younger generation can contact with others whenever online at a low cost, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them trend to read and write
constantly
. It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that youngsters these days have installed applications such as Facebook in their cellphones and laptops to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
comments, any time anywhere.
For example
, those social media made it easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the fashion week in Paris and it's even possible to
virtually
participate by giving feedbacks.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
may not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by this way.

Regardless, swiping up and down or clicking
aimlessly
on the screen lead to distraction. As the messages from the internet are always eyes-grasping and high-frequency, youths
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
confused when they
are surrounded
by these waves of information, which can deprive them of concentrations. Take Twitter
for instance
, almost everyone on that platform is busy in the race to click on from one hotpot to another, leaving behind their capabilities to focus on one deep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. By contrast, the young need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves
Possible spelling mistake found.
concentred
if they
really
want to master their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
rather
than browse news and write comments roughly.
Hence
, social contact via the internet is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for these youngsters who are lack of self-disciplined.

In conclusion
, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
cellphone and computers facilitate communication, I believe that these devices can
adversely
affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
due to distraction from the internet.
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IELTS essay Some people think cellphone and computers for communication have negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skill. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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