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Some people think that sports involving violence such as boxing , Marshall arts should be banned from tv as well as from the international sporting competition . To what extent do you agree or disagree .

Some people think that sports involving violence such as boxing, Marshall arts should be banned from tv as well as from the international sporting competition. jQBlw
Since primitive times, sports play a significant role in individual's life in order to keep their body fit and fiddle. Some people said that sports related to violence should be banned from not only telecasting from tv but also not involved in international sports competition. I disagree with this statement because it will vanish career of many peoples, while it is increasing the unemployment In the worldwide. To commence with, sports that include boxing, fighting, yodo are the professions of many people. First and foremost, it does not make any sense to stop the broadcasting of such sports from tv as well as forbidden the competition. To go deeper, there are many sports channels that telecasting that games, if it is ban it would be destroy their earning sources. These sports are the such careers, where person, who do not have intellectual abilities, they can make their career. As a result, the ban broadcasting, and sports competition rise the unemployment. To exemplify, a survey conducted by The United States Cencus Bureau in California in year 2008 over a group of 2000 people ranging from 30- 35 reveals that 35% people had lost their jobs, if these sports stop to telecasted and sports competition. Futermore, in the fast paced world, it is a great source of entertainment to watch the matches of marshalls arts including yodo, fighting together with their families. To explain, it reduces the chances of family gathering when they stop from television. Moreover, people never attract toward such games if they never seen In their life. There are many people who uses for such sports for their self defense, although they do not have any knowledge, they never feel secure when they are alone. To conclude, although there are number of benefits of such games, the prohibition of such games being telecasted and worldwide competition does not make any sense.
Since primitive times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play a significant role in individual's life in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their body fit and fiddle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
related to violence should
be banned
from not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
telecasting from
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
not involved in international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. I disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will vanish career of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
, while it is increasing the unemployment In the worldwide. To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that include boxing, fighting,
Possible spelling mistake found.
yodo
are the professions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
First
and foremost, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any sense to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the broadcasting of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
as well
as forbidden the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. To go deeper, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
channels that telecasting that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, if it is ban it would be
Consider using the past participle "destroyed"?
destroy
their earning sources. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the such careers, where person, who do not have intellectual abilities, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their career.
As a result
, the ban broadcasting, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
rise the unemployment. To exemplify, a survey conducted by The United States
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cencus
Bureau in California in year 2008 over a group of 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ranging
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 30 to 35"?
from 30- 35
reveals that 35%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had lost their jobs, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futermore
, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world, it is a great source of entertainment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the matches of
Possible spelling mistake found.
marshalls
arts including
Possible spelling mistake found.
yodo
, fighting together with their families. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the chances of family gathering when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
from television.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never attract toward such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
if they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
In their life. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "use"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
uses
for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self defense
, although they do not have any knowledge, they never feel secure when they are alone.
To conclude
, although there are number of benefits of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the prohibition of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
being
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
and worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any sense.
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IELTS essay Some people think that sports involving violence such as boxing, Marshall arts should be banned from tv as well as from the international sporting competition.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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