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Some people think art is important for a society while others don’t. Explain both views and give your opinion.

Some people think art is important for a society while others don’t. Explain both views and give your opinion. 8x2Yk
There are people who think that art is not important for the society. However, there are others who believe that art is essential and I’m of the same opinion. Not only, art is an integral part of our culture which helps us bond together, but also, provides means of employment for us. Art is an essential part of any society. Whenever we are happy or sad or angry or distressed, we look for ways to express them via songs, poems, paintings or other forms, which then become our heritage. Moreover, we bond within a society over art. For instance, in social gatherings, people love to discuss new art form with which they are attached. It also represents the way of life of a particular region. For example, Warli paintings capture the day – to – day activities of village people. Furthermore, art provides a way of employment for people. Many of us are not interested in academics, rather in different art forms and they build their career in it. They not only bring in money to the country but also make the country famous around the world. For example, A R Rahman built his career in singing, from scratch, and became well known for his work. Another scenario would be cases like the world heritage sites or the ancient sites of any region require people who can take care of them and many people find employment via them. Yet another set of people look for opportunities to build their life around art by providing accommodation to tourists, building and selling the local art forms and so on. To sum it up, art does not only consist of different forms but it is a complete ecosystem which helps the society stay together and earn a living.
There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
However
, there are others who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is essential and I’m of the same opinion. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an integral part of our culture which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us bond together,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, provides means of employment for us.

Art is an essential part of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Whenever we are happy or sad or angry or distressed, we look for ways to express them via songs, poems, paintings or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
, which then become our heritage.
Moreover
, we bond within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For instance
, in social gatherings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to discuss new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
with which they
are attached
. It
also
represents the way of life of a particular region.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Warli
paintings capture the day
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
to
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
day activities of village
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
provides a way of employment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of us are not interested in academics,
rather
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
forms and
they build their career in it. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring in money to the country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
around the world.
For example
, A R Rahman built his career in singing, from scratch, and became well known for his work. Another scenario would be cases like the world heritage sites or the ancient sites of any region require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can take care of them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find employment via them.
Yet
another set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look for opportunities to build their life around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
by providing accommodation to tourists, building and selling the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

To sum it up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consist of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is a complete ecosystem which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
stay together and earn a living.

IELTS essay Some people think art is important for a society while others don’t. Explain both views and give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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