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some people thing that there should be some strict controls about noise. others think that they are could just make as much noise as they want. discuss both views v.1

some people thing that there should be some strict controls about noise. others think that they are could just make as much noise as they want. 1
It is argue that some people could just make as much noise as they prefer. While I have to admit that this perspective is accurate to a somewhat extent. I still hold a notion that there should be stringent controls about loud by specific acts of Government is much more advantageous. On the one hand, making noise belongs to freedom of speech, which is one of human rights. First of all, freedom of speech is granted by most of international law systems. Therein, meeting is one of the activities, which cause much loud. Besides, some events very prefer and need much noise such as birthday celebration, singing contest or football match. For instance, in football match, audience should make loud as much as they can in order to raise up players’ fight spirit. At the same time, thanks to the development of science and technology, scientist invented material which can block out the noise. On the other hand, others who are in favour of it is very necessary to restrict loud have their own justifications. As a matter of fact, noise has exterted an adverse impact on our life. noise could make serious influence for people’s health. Nowadays, noise pollution occurs at many countries specially developing countries which focuses on developing industry. The noise is produced by factories, constructions or vehicles. Living in a place that is too noisy in a long time cause some problems for health such as headaches, sleepless. Apart from this, educational institutions and offices could be effected by loud. students and officer will not be able to pay attention on their lecture or work. For instance, student will not be able to do exercises if his neighbours keep singing too loud. To recapitulate, I am strongly convinced that although making noise is one of human rights, this ought to restrict so as to protect others rights.
It is
Consider using a past participle here: "argued".
argue
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they prefer.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that this perspective is accurate to a
You used an adverb ('somewhat') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('extent') instead of another adjective.
somewhat extent
. I
still
hold a notion that there should be stringent controls about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loud
by specific acts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more advantageous.

On the one hand, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
belongs to freedom of speech, which is one of human rights.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, freedom of speech
is granted
by
Consider using "most international" or "most of the international".
most of international
law systems.

Therein, meeting is one of the activities, which cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loud
.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
prefer and need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
such as birthday celebration, singing contest or football match.
For instance
, in football match, audience should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loud
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
as they can in order to raise up players’ fight spirit. At the same time, thanks to the development of science and technology, scientist invented material which can block out the noise.

On the other hand
, others who are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary to restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loud
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
justifications. As a matter of fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
exterted
an adverse impact on our life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
noise
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
serious influence for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
pollution occurs at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
specially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
which focuses on developing industry. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
is produced
by factories, constructions or vehicles. Living in a place
that is
too noisy in a long time cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems for health such as headaches, sleepless. Apart from this, educational institutions and offices could
be effected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loud
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
students
and officer will not be able to pay attention on their lecture or work.
For instance
, student will not be able to do exercises if his
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
singing too loud.

To recapitulate, I am
strongly
convinced that although making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
is one of human rights, this ought to restrict
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
protect others rights.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay some people thing that there should be some strict controls about noise. others think that they are could just make as much noise as they want. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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