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Some people tend to judge a person on the basis of first observation. Somepeople believe it takes a long time to know a person well. Which approachto knowing people do you think is better and why? v.2

Some people tend to judge a person on the basis of first observation. Somepeople believe it takes a long time to know a person well. Which approachto knowing people do you think is better and why? v. 2
When the issue of wildlife protection comes into view, there exist conflicting opinions. Some people claim that preserving wild animals serves no purpose, however, I totally disagree with this point of view. It goes without saying that animals play an integral part of the 21st century. First and foremost, animal existence is a key to balance biodiversity, which is essential for a functional ecosystem. For example, if any, species living in tropical rainforest become extinct, the food chain will be disrupted and affect all the species. The worst case scenario for human, which is a shortage of meat, could be expected. Moreover, it stands to reason that a wide diversity of species provides a plethora of natural service for the human beings. To be more specific, medicines that derived from the chemicals produced by animals give a helping hand in curing various health conditions, such as heart diseases and disorders. Recent research shows that more than 25% of the medicinal prescriptions given every year contain chemicals from animals. This directly suggests that wildlife protection pays tribute to higher quality of life. Moreover, it is a foregone conclusion that wildlife conservation is a waste of resources. First of all, the protection of natural habitats not only guarantees the survival of wild animals, but also plays an integral part in the existence of human beings. For example, rainforests product, oxygen, absorbs carbon dioxide and stabilise the Earth’s climate, which is critical to mankind’s well being. If human destroyed green belts, a pandemic could be expected, since human do not have enough clean air to function respiratory system. By protecting wild animals and their habitats, we maintain the natural balance of all life on Earth. In conclusion, we have no right to decide whether or not wild animals should exist, and I believe that we should do everything we can to protect them.
When the issue of wildlife protection
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
into view, there exist conflicting opinions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that preserving wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
serves no purpose,
however
, I
totally
disagree with this point of view.

It goes without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
play an integral part of the 21st century.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
existence is a key to balance biodiversity, which is essential for a functional ecosystem.
For example
, if any, species living in tropical rainforest become extinct, the food chain will
be disrupted
and affect all the species. The worst case scenario for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
, which is a shortage of meat, could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
Moreover
, it stands to reason that a wide diversity of species provides a plethora of natural service for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings. To be more specific, medicines that derived from the chemicals produced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
give a helping hand in curing various health conditions, such as heart diseases and disorders. Recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than 25% of the medicinal prescriptions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
every year contain chemicals from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. This
directly
suggests that wildlife protection pays tribute to higher quality of life.

Moreover
, it is a foregone conclusion that wildlife conservation is a waste of resources.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the protection of natural habitats not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
guarantees the survival of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
plays an integral part in the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.
For example
, rainforests product, oxygen, absorbs carbon dioxide and
Possible spelling mistake. 'stabilise' is British English.
stabilise
the Earth’s climate, which is critical to mankind’s
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
green belts, a pandemic could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
clean air to function respiratory system. By protecting wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and their habitats, we maintain the natural balance of all life on Earth.

In conclusion
, we have no right to decide
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should exist, and I believe that we should do everything we can to protect them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people tend to judge a person on the basis of first observation. Somepeople believe it takes a long time to know a person well. Which approachto knowing people do you think is better and why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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