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Some people suggest that it is better for children to be brought up by the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents, rather than just the parents

Some people suggest that it is better for children to be brought up by the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents, rather than just the parents DOPA
We live in an age when many of people advise live with whole family including parents, uncles, aunts and grandparents. i will support this iew with arguments in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, bringing up a child with whole friendly family help to kids be socialize and kind. When baby gave birth and grow in a big family it helps to him speaks more faster, when family contain only parents it far less for developing baby. In addition it is always interesting to live with other relatives besides father and mother. Different people, various opinion helps for child rais more communicable and opening for new challenges. Also grandparents are an important family members, who link whole family together. Kids can get more information from grandparents about their family history. Uncles might help with constructing and teach how to grow plants. Although aunts can bake and cook delicious foods. Secondly, children who live with only parents they are wild and not socialized. For them tough to contact with people even with children in same age. Child who brings up alone spends more time by playing computer games, playing phones and watching cartoons. Moreover, children who rose with grandparents know more traditions and try to keep it for their children. To draw the conclusion I agreewith opinion many people who consider that live with big family like grandparents, uncles and aunts more better for upbringing and developing in the future rather live only with parents. Child who grew up in big family considers better, knows more than compare with children who rose alone.
We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an age when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, uncles, aunts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
.
Did you mean "I"?
i
will support this
Possible spelling mistake found.
iew
with arguments in the following paragraphs.

First
and foremost, bringing up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with whole friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "kid".
kids
be
Consider using a past participle here: "socialized".
socialize
and kind. When baby gave birth and grow in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to him speaks
Use only "faster" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more faster
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "contains".
contain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
it far less for developing baby. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, it".
addition it
is always interesting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with other relatives
besides
father and mother.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, various opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Possible spelling mistake found.
rais
more communicable and opening for new challenges.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
link whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
together. Kids can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more information from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
history. Uncles might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
with constructing and teach how to grow plants. Although aunts can bake and cook delicious foods.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
they are wild and not socialized. For them tough to contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in same age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
brings up alone spends more time by playing computer games, playing phones and watching cartoons.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
rose with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
know more traditions and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it for their children.

To draw the conclusion I
Possible spelling mistake found.
agreewith
opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
, uncles and aunts
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
for upbringing and developing in the future
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
grew up in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
considers better, knows more than compare with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
rose alone.
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IELTS essay Some people suggest that it is better for children to be brought up by the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents, rather than just the parents

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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